Green Christmas
by Tabitha craft
Summary: This starts a few months before Christmas but is ultimately a fiction for Christmas. Dawson lives in LA and rings his old friend Pacey and asks if his girlfriend, who he thinks is the "one", Joey can stay with him in Boston. A P/J fic. All finished!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. I hope everyone enjoys this. I only have the last part to write. My aim is to post every day and post the last part on Christmas Day - for fun why else?! That said I have kids, it's Christmas and I have no tv to entertain them. Fingers crossed this all works.**

**Please review. My motivation to write and post flies out the window without feedback - that's the truth!**

**thanks, Tab :-)**

**Green Christmas**

**Chapter One**

It was when he was climbing out of the shower that he heard his cell phone ringing. He cursed himself for selecting the ring tone that sounded like an alarm warning system for some catastrophic event, and so he answered the phone, dripping water on his bed as he sat down.

'Hey D,' he said into the phone.

'Pacey man,' Dawson's excited voice chirruped in his ear.

'What's up?'

'Are you busy, you sound busy?'

'Just drying my hair off. I got out the shower thirty seconds ago. I can talk though.'

'Do you have work?'

'I'm due at the restaurant in an hour. I can talk Dawson, so get to the point.'

'I wanted to ask you a favour,' Dawson sounded light and frothy.

'Sure,' Pacey walked to his dresser naked and pulled out clean boxers, pants for work and a shirt.

'My girlfriend is flying into Boston on the weekend. She's never been to the city and I said she might be able to stay with you? I know you normally work weekends but is there any way you can pick her up and you know look after her a little?'

'Is this the girl you've been going on about for the last few weeks?' Pacey grinned.

'More like the last six months,' his friend laughed, 'and yes. Joey is something special. I think she's the one Pacey.'

'The one?' Pacey couldn't quite hide the note of scepticism.

'You know twenty five is not too young to find the one,' Dawson chided.

'But there still so much of life to live. You don't want to settle down yet, trust me.'

'By life to live you mean, women to sleep with?' Dawson half teased.

'I mean fun to have before it all gets to serious.'

'Trust me, Joey's a girl it's worth getting serious for.'

'Really?' Pacey tried not to sound too sceptical.

'There's more to life than a different girl in your bed every night.'

'Not every night...' Pacey hastened to correct.

'What happened Pace? I mean to my glib, heart on his sleeve friend? You used to play the cad but were a romantic at heart?'

'As opposed to now?' Pacey let out a wry almost laugh.

'You used to believe in love!' Dawson went on.

'No my friend - you believed in love. I was raised a cynic by cynics. I'm not a child of Hollywood dreams. I don't believe in happy ever afters. True love is myth. Sex and endorphins create the illusion of love. You, my friend, are high on your own pheromones...and your girlfriends.'

'Joey, her name is Joey.'

'Trust me Dawson - this girl isn't as perfect as you believe. She's not as sweet or wonderful as you think.'

'Oh but she is Pace. She's sweet and innocent, and wonderful. She isn't tainted with cynicism. She's my soul mate...'

'Come on Dawson,' Pacey scoffed, 'soulmate? That is total Hollywood bullshit.'

'You are a _cynic_,' Dawson cried in triumph. 'What kind of person doesn't believe in a soulmate? The perfect other half to them. Joey is my soulmate.'

'Whatever you say.'

'Her flight gets in at 11 - can you pick her up?'

'I'll rearrange the weekend and be there to collect her,' Pacey gave an over exaggerated sigh. 'And she can use the spare room.'

'Thank you,' Dawson chuckled down the line.

'How long will she be using the spare room?'

'Until she finds an apartment,' Dawson explained.

'And why is she moving to Boston again? If her soulmate is in LA?'

'So droll,' Dawson snarked back good naturedly, 'she got a job there.'

'Doing what?'

'She's a doctor. She's an intern.'

'Creative you and a doctor?' Pacey laughed.

'She's amazing Pace, you'll see.'

'That I will,' Pacey grinned, 'speak to you soon.'

'Thanks Pace.'

'Anytime.'

* * *

Pacey was late to the airport. He'd struggled to leave his restaurant, _**Sophie's**_, because the manager was late, then the traffic had been terrible, parking had been worse and by the time he got to the airport and then into the arrivals he realized he didn't have a clue what Dawson's beloved looked like. Running to the Starbucks he charmed the barista into a date and a piece of paper and then scrawled Joey on it and proceeded to a visible position, only to hear an awkward cough from behind him.

'You're Pacey?' she asked and she had a nice voice. Turning Pacey clocked a pair of large hazel eyes looking at him from a beautiful face, dark hair in a haphazard bun on her head. For several seconds he gaped like a fish.

'Joey?' he asked and cringed because it really didn't sound like he believed she could possibly be Dawson's girlfriend, and really he didn't. Dawson favoured pretty girls, cute and homey looking - this girl was a goddess. This girl was his type, not Dawson's.

'Pleased to meet you,' he gave her a charming grin and she smirked as if she knew what he'd been thinking.

'Thanks for picking me up, and for having me stay.'

'Well I had your boyfriend on the phone pleading, I mean what's a guy gonna do?' Pacey shrugged and picked up her bag.

'You don't need to carry that,' Joey said at once attempting to retrieve the bag, her fingers brushing his. Pacey shot her a "get real" look.

'I know you _can_ carry it, but you don't _need_ to.'

'Well ok,' she frowned a little but fell into step beside him. 'I'm sorry if this is putting you out,' she said at length. Pacey laughed,

'You don't need to be sorry, though the sentiment is appreciated toots. Dawson has been my best friend since we were in kindergarten but he doesn't really get the whole other people's work thing, but you know, I managed.'

'Dawson said you're a chef?' Joey looked at him and he faltered slightly in the cocky bravado under those invasive eyes of hers,

'Well yeah, he would say that,' he shook his head and chuckled, a low and not particularly happy sound.

'So you're not a chef?' she frowned.

'I own my own restaurant. So yes I'm a chef, but I'm also a manager and not working the weekend is not as simple as Dawson imagines.'

'You know, contrary to what Dawson thinks I don't actually need a babysitter,' she gave him a dark look.

'I'm sure,' he laughed out loud because whatever Dawson thought, he was quite convinced that Joey wasn't as innocent as she seemed. She looked a little offended, caught between manners and offence. After all he was letting her stay at his place.

'I could be offended by your insinuation but I can't be bothered,' she muttered in a haughty voice.

'Oh don't be offended, it was a compliment,' he grinned at her as they reached his battered old station wagon.

'I didn't know you had kids,' she said in amusement.

'Haha,' he rolled his eyes, 'this car is extremely practical for lugging crap,' he gave her a pointed look, 'now in you get,' he followed up with a sweet smile.

Joey glared at him but slipped into the passenger seat.

'So is your apartment as nice as your car?' Joey asked as they pulled out of the airport short stay.

'My place has a spare room and is near the hospital,' he responded brightly.

'Oh great.'

'Apparently, thanks to Dawson, it's also free,' he shot her a look.

'I can pay you rent.'

'Let's see how long you stay first,' he rolled his eyes.

'You don't seem to be anything like Dawson,' Joey murmured after a few minutes driving in silence.

'Really?' Pacey chuckled.

'Really.'

'Didn't he give you the run down? Explain how it was we became friends?'

'He said your moms were friends.'

'Our mom's weren't friends, not really,' Pacey muttered. Silence stretched.

'So are you going to explain?' Joey broker the silence impatiently.

'Sure,' Pacey laughed, 'Dawson is the golden one - always has been. We met in kindergarten and he attempted to pass some of his golden glow onto me. Dawson could do no wrong so I followed him around, trailing disaster in my wake. Good cop, bad cop, good twin, evil twin, golden child, proverbial screw up. You can imagine which he was and which I was. But we liked each other. Unfortunately his glow didn't help me, and luckily my shade didn't effect his glow.'

'He mentioned that you were unique but he didn't use the words screw up, evil or bad.'

'Well he wouldn't, he's my friend right? You must have noticed that Dawson doesn't really live in the real world, well not mine anyway. But he's a good friend.'

'Dawson is amazing,' Joey stated and Pacey laughed,

'Well yes, Dawson has always been "amazing."' They fell into silence after that.

'So I figured we'd head back to mine, have some lunch, you can unpack. When do you start at the hospital?'

'Monday and that sounds good.'

'I have a spare bike you can use to get to the hospital - if you want. It'll mean it only takes five minutes. I imagine your shifts will be antisocial at times?'

'That would be great, thank you,' she seemed genuinely relieved.

'My hours can be antisocial too, so let's try and keep it quiet.'

'Absolutely,' Joey nodded.

'After lunch we can cycle to the hospital, so you know the way and all. Then we can go do whatever it is you need or want to do,' he shrugged easily as he parked in front of his brownstone.

'Wow I love this building. It's so different to the west coast,' her eyes shone as she made the enthusiastic declaration. 'I love the steps, the windows, the fence. Everything.'

'Me too,' he chuckled. It was hard to knock her when she was so clearly enamoured with the place.

'How many apartments inside?' she asked with a tilt of her head.

'Um...' he coughed a little, 'well none. I own the whole of it.'

'You own it?' Her mouth dropped open in an adorable expression of surprise.

'Now I bet Dawson didn't mention that,' Pacey mused.

'You own it?' she repeated. 'How at twenty five do you own that?'

'I just do,' he said. He didn't really feel like discussing the where's and whys so he tried to make it clear by his tone for her not to ask - thankfully she didn't.

'I love it,' she gave him a smile, the kind of smile that made his insides warm.

'I love it too,' he agreed. 'Come on in,' he opened the front door. 'Ok, so downstairs is my Airbnb holiday let. It's self catered and has its own entrance. I have it all sorted, so you don't need to worry about that.'

'Can I see it?' She asked hopefully, 'I mean if no one is staying.'

'Unfortunately there's a couple there for the weekend, but yes I'll show you it soon.'

'This is beautiful,' Joey stared at the ornate tile floor, the wooden stairs, the stained glass above the door, the old metal hooks for coats.

'Thanks. There's a hook for you,' he nodded at the empty hook. 'Shoes in this cupboard.'

'I don't think I can say enough how much I love this house. This is my dream house.'

'It's pretty nice,' Pacey smiled, leading her into the living room, with the large kitchen joined dining room on the back.

'Dawson didn't tell me that you live in my dream house,' Joey echoed again staring at the large oak farmhouse dining table with its bench and chairs, a hand running over the dark brown leather couch with it's large eclectic cushions and blankets. She ran her hand over the granite kitchen surfaces. 'He said you were messy?' she almost accused.

'Well I'm messy, but clean,' he explained. 'I did however know you were coming so I picked up a little. There's a dishwasher, and I do keep the kitchen clean and tidy. You can relax elsewhere,' he added.

'The bedrooms are upstairs?'

'Follow me,' he smiled leading her up the stairs, watching as she took in everything.

'My bedrooms at the front,' he gestured to the closed door, 'bathroom, my study and your room,' he pointed into his clean spare bedroom. It was plain but serviceable.

'Thank you,' she seemed thrilled with it.

'Upstairs isn't really finished but if someone needs to stay over, let me know and there's space in one of the rooms I can clear. I prefer it if people don't sleep in the lounge.'

'Sure,' she smiled as he plonked her bag in her room.

'I'll go make some lunch. Bacon sandwiches ok?'

'Perfect,' she nodded and he headed off, shooting one last look at her over his shoulder.

* * *

'So are you an LA girl?' Pacey asked as she demolished her sandwich.

'Oh no,' she laughed, 'not at all. I'm from a small town in Oregon. The less Oregony bit of Oregon.'

'And how did you end up in LA?'

'Med school,' she shrugged easily.

'So where in Oregon?'

'A small town called Wilton. I don't mean east coast small. I mean tiny. Two thousand seven hundred people on a good day.'

'Ok, that's small. My high school was eight hundred and I consider Capeside a small town! Now why describe it as not Oregony?' he leant forward, watching her smile,

'Well it's not green like people think, certainly not in the summer. The mountains are brown. There's no canyon, no gorge, no beaches.'

'Ok, all those no's are my vision of Oregon,' Pacey pulled some chocolate from the fridge and offered her a piece.

'It is beautiful, but it's isolated and lonely. There's Wilton and the nearby Comat, then mountains and farmland.'

'And I thought Capeside was the sticks,' Pacey teased.

'It's an hour from Boston, it's not the sticks,' Joey stated and he nodded.

'If you're finished do you want to go out, or you happy hanging out here?'

'I'm pretty nervous about Monday. I would love to see the hospital route.'

'I'm sure you'll be great,' he told her as he cleared the dishes.

'Hmm, yeah, medicine, so easy, the stakes aren't high at all.'

'Haha,' he rolled his eyes at her sarcasm.

* * *

Pacey eyed the blond at the bar as he and Joey ate dinner at a table in his restaurant. The blond was with a couple of friends, waiting for a table to clear and she was hot. Joey had spent the last forty minutes drivelling on about Dawson's many virtues, Dawson's creative genius, Dawson, Dawson, Dawson in general and though Joey was more pleasing to look at than the blond, Pacey was pretty certain he could get the blond to go on about Pacey, Pacey, Pacey.

'Right,' he heard the huffy noise through the general Dawson drivel he'd blocked out.

'Huh?' he looked back at Joey who was glaring at him with fiery eyes. Hot but scary.

'Clearly I'm so boring it's more interesting to stare at big tits,' her glare deepened.

'I spent twelve years listening to the Dawson golden balls broadcast twenty four seven. I'm good.'

'I thought he was your best friend,' she scowled.

'He is and thus I've heard this all before, and in the same exuberant tones. The guy's a god and I'm very happy for him.'

'You're a bit of a jackass,' Joey muttered looking toward the blond. 'That your type then?' she asked as the blond gave a vapid laugh.

'Sometimes,' he smirked.

'And I bet you're her type,' Joey shook her head and looked into the bottom of her wine glass.

'Meaning?' he arched an amused brow.

'Dawson said you have fun with girls, that you like...you know, that kind of girl.'

'I like most types of girl,' he said easily and she tutted,

'I bet.'

'Is there something wrong with my liking women? I'm single.'

'I just don't get the sleeping around thing,' she said haughtily.

'And who said I sleep around?' he asked and she didn't answer, merely shrugged, 'ah, Dawson,' Pacey nodded. That hardly surprised him, Dawson had a very clear vision of Pacey in his head. 'Ok, so occasionally I sleep with a girl. I like sex and that's not a crime.'

'I happen to think sex should mean something.'

'Well that's why you're with Dawson and not me,' Pacey shrugged.

'You think sex doesn't mean anything?' she was indignant.

'Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't,' he said easily. 'Sex when I'm in love means something, sex when I'm single is about having fun.'

'Ok,' Joey stared at him, distaste marring her features.

'Let me guess, you and Dawson make love.'

'It's none of your business what Dawson and I do,' she glared at him.

'Oh that's rich! You're free to pass comment on my choices, but your relationship is sacrosanct?'

'It's a relationship,' she stated patronizingly, 'relationships are private, something between the two individuals involved. Causal sex isn't a relationship.'

'Spoken like an uptight prude. I bet you're real warm between the sheets,' he muttered. He could do sarcasm as well as her.

'Did you just call me a prude?' her arms crossed under her boobs and she looked gorgeous but Pacey nodded,

'I wouldn't call you a prude if you weren't being all haughty, taughty over my choices in life. You don't even know me. You have no right to judge what I do. You're not my girlfriend,' he told her.

'Well I guess if I'm a prude you must be some kind of pervert,' she attempted.

'No, Joey, I'm not a pervert. Enjoying sex, being ok with sex, having fun with sex, it doesn't make you a pervert.'

'And wanting sex to mean something, doesn't make me a prude,' she glared.

'Let's forget it,' Pacey muttered and stood and headed for the bar and the blond, 'ladies,' he interrupted with a polite cough, 'I noticed you've been waiting for a while. Let me get you a drink on the house,' he nodded to Tom behind the bar.

'Is this your restaurant,' the blond had noticed him looking.

'It is. I'm pretty sure we can have a table for you soon.'

'Can we convince you to join us?' the blond asked with a suggestive flutter of her eye lashes.

'We'll see. I'm with a friend,' he nodded at Joey who was glaring at him from her seat.

'So answer something for us,' the blond put her hand on Pacey's arm, 'who is Sophie? She must have been someone special for you to name your restaurant after her.'

'She was,' Pacey nodded.

'An old love?' The blond asked.

'Something like that,' Pacey agreed.

'I'm heading home,' Joey was behind him glaring, 'have fun with him girls,' she gave them a fake smile and turned on heel.

* * *

Pacey had had fun with the blond and tequila slammers. The girls were on vacation and he and the blond had made the most of her hotel room. It was the early hours by the time he made it home. Heading to bed he'd slept, only waking after ten the next morning. Pacey headed through the shower and then downstairs for much needed coffee. He spared a glance at the closed door of Joey's room feeling a twinge of guilt for abandoning her. It was only a twinge however - he didn't take judgement over his personal choices so kindly these days. Entering the kitchen he realised Joey wasn't in her room but in his kitchen.

'There's coffee in the pot,' she stated from the table where she was pouring over a large book.

'Thanks,' he got himself a large mug and poured his hot coffee. Pulling out a loaf of bread he popped a couple of slices in the toaster. 'You want toast?'

'I'm good,' she said looking up at him from her book, her eyes appraising. 'I'm sorry,' the words were soft. The words were sincere.

'Sorry? I'm the one that abandoned you.'

'I had no right to judge you and I'm sorry,' she stated.

'I'm sorry for calling you a prude,' he said at length, buttering his toast.

'Meh, it may be a little bit true,' she shrugged and he laughed. 'I'm sorry for calling you a pervert.'

'Meh, it might be a little bit true,' he gave her a wicked grin. 'You studying?'

'Like I said, I'm nervous.'

'You're pretty smart though?'

'Yes,' she answered simply.

'Dawson is pretty smart,' Pacey acknowledged.

'You say it like you're not,' Joey gave him a look as he sat down at the table.

'I'm not dumb,' he stated and then reconsidered, 'I hope I'm not dumb. I didn't achieve at school,' he shrugged.

'Apparently you didn't need to,' Joey gestured around them. 'There's more than one way to be smart,' she said and he smiled a large genuine smile,

'Wanna say that to my dad one day?'

'Sure.'

'In his world there's only one way to be smart and I'm not it,' Pacey stared at his toast and then looked back at Dawson's beautiful girlfriend. She really was insanely gorgeous. Tall, with legs that went on for ever, that long dark hair and those eyes of hers. He'd always been a sucker for eyes and Joey's were probably the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen.

'I've learnt that dad's don't know as much as they'd have us believe,' Joey said and he got a feeling there was quite a lot behind that statement.

'I agree,' Pacey said, 'or I'd like to if my dad didn't have me doubting my own opinions.'

'Have a little trust in yourself,' she told him and when she said it, when the words came from her mouth, he wanted to try.

'So what would you like to do today? I have the whole day off and we can do anything?'

'Would you be willing to play tour guide? Take me to your favourite bits of the city? Or Dawson's?'

'Sure,' he nodded rolling his eyes internally as the constant Dawson focus. Dawson was her boyfriend, of course she would mention him a lot.

'I should really look for somewhere to live...you know more permanently.'

'You're fine here. Get into work and then look.'

'I'm pretty sure if you wanted a roommate you'd have one.'

'I'm not against having a roommate. I don't have one because I don't need one.'

'Well thank you.'

'It's no problem.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi all,**

**Firstly, a huge thank you to those that have reviewed - I can't tell you how much that has motivated me on this manically busy day! I've wrapped, shopped, hosted and when I could snuck a moment to edit! **

**This story is not over complicated. It's supposed to be a bit of fun, a bit of drama and a lot of romance. I got the idea for it watching Love Actually. The bit where the character is in love with Kiera knightly and holds up the boards as a declaration. Thats why she's Dawson's girlfriend:-)**

**So a special thank you to: Ms Purchase, 1trueluv, Malin, guest and T80 - I really loved your PM and so a special thanks for making my day!**

**Green Christmas**

**Chapter 2**

The first week that Joey stayed with him Pacey only saw her three or four times. She was always at the hospital, or sleeping. He heard the shower going, but would rarely see his new roommate. A couple of times they had breakfast together, a glass of wine another night and dinner he'd brought home from the restaurant another night. Quite honestly Pacey was relieved. It had taken his day of tour guiding on her first weekend for Pacey to realize he was in serious trouble. The wine with dinner, the witty banter, the amusing conversation had all brought about the same conclusion. Pacey was utterly smitten with Dawson's girlfriend. She was gorgeous, she was feisty, she was sarcastic and witty and interesting, and clever...she wasn't his type per say, as in he hadn't really known what his type was until she waltzed into his life. Now she was the very embodiment of his type. She was constantly on the move, constantly working, or about to work, her dedication captivating. Pacey's main solace came from the fact that the attraction wasn't based on much and he could in a way push it aside, which he did with gusto. She was awesome, but she was Dawson's awesome girlfriend.

It was ten days before they happened upon each other for any length of time. Pacey had worked early, creeping out whilst his roommate slept behind her closed door. He'd returned with still warm pastries and Joey, in the kitchen with coffee, had pounced upon them, her sigh of contentedness music to his ears.

'Did you make these?' mumbled through flaked pastry.

'Yes, and that's delightful,' he gestured to her full mouth.

'No, these are delightful,' she said with a wicked grin.

'I thought you might like them after all your crazy days.'

'I've never been so tired in all my life,' Joey admitted, clutching her coffee. 'I worked twenty hours straight and then there was an emergency.'

'I thought I hadn't heard you.'

'Will I be invading your space if I curl up and watch a movie?'

'You really are perfect for Dawson,' Pacey laughed but nodded to give his go ahead.

'I don't know. I know he's perfect but I don't think I'm as perfect as he thinks I am.'

'You seem pretty perfect to me,' Pacey said lightly, putting the remaining pastries on a tray and heading through to the living room with her. Together they flopped onto the couch and grabbing the remote Pacey flicked the tv on.

'I'm far from perfect,' Joey said seriously. 'I try telling Dawson that and he won't hear it.'

'He said you were his soulmate,' Pacey said as the flicked to the guide.

'Did he?' she shot him a sideways look.

'Yes. He said you were sweet, innocent and special.'

'Then he doesn't know me as well, as he thinks he does.'

'That's what I said to him,' Pacey chuckled. 'He said you had no cynicism.'

'Should I rethink our relationship?' She asked lightly, clearly a joke.

'Therein lies the appeal of our buddy Dawson. His head might be in the clouds, but he makes you feel as though yours is up there too.'

'I know what you mean,' she agreed with a nod. 'So you didn't think I could be as wonderful as he made out?'

'Nobody is,' Pacey explained simply, 'and that's where I have one up on Dawson. He expects perfection and I know there's no such thing, so when I do fall in love, I fall in love with reality as opposed to...' Pacey trailed off aware of the implied.

'The illusion,' she said but she didn't seem bothered.

'Something like that.'

'My aim was to never fall in love at all, but then I met Dawson and he's quite a force.'

'That he is,' Pacey agreed.

'Good choice,' Joey gestured to the TV where Pacey had put on _American Ninja Warrior,_ 'but don't ever tell Dawson I like watching crap like this.'

'We have the same dirty little secret,' Pacey shrugged. 'You know I thought about trying out for this show,' he mused.

'Really?' Joey laughed and he loved it, her expression, the sound.

'I think I'd be pretty good. I did the Tough Mudder last year and if i can do that, surely I can manage this?'

'I so wanted to do the Tough Mudder. Anything on tv, then no way, but the tough Mudder definitely.'

'So why not?'

'Studying medicine, being an intern, it doesn't leave a lot of time for life. It's probably a good thing Dawson is in LA because he doesn't love it when I'm busy.'

'You met when you were still studying though?'

'Well yeah, but when it's all new you can accept things more I guess. Around the four month mark he began to complain, but then with finals out the way I had more time. I can't see him loving this new lifestyle of mine.'

'He works long hours. Surely he gets it?'

'You grew up with the guy, you know the answer to that!' Joey smirked.

'You're right. Apologies,' Pacey smirked back. Dawson might be his oldest friend but even he could criticize the guys ability to make it all about himself.

'I could train you for the tough Mudder,' Pacey suggested. 'We could do it together?'

'I honestly think this intern year might kill me and that's without training for something like that. I might train alongside you sometimes, but I can't give that kind of commitment. I just like the idea of being that strong, that capable.'

'You wuss,' he teased, punching her shoulder light heartedly.

'That's me alright,' she rolled her eyes.

* * *

'Hey, long time no see,' Pacey gave Joey a broad grin as he entered the kitchen.

'We spent the whole day together two days ago.'

'We spent the whole day watching tv and playing cards.'

'And talking, endless talking.'

'Followed by endless talking to your boyfriend,' Pacey smirked.

'I'm quiet, he's the talker,' Joey slurped on her coffee as Pacey joined her at the table.

'I find that hard to believe,' he scoffed.

'You are kidding me right? Dawson never shuts up!' she gesticulated to emphasize her point,

'I don't find that hard to believe, but the you being quiet bit, that is a stretch.'

'I think I'm offended,' she stated and glared.

'I hate to break it to you toots, but you were the gas bag on Sunday.'

'There was an equal level of gassing,' Joey defended.

'I timed one of your monologues - five minutes straight,' he peeled a banana and took a bite.

'Now there's no need to make things up,' she chastised. 'I just don't have it in me to keep going that long!' she smiled.

'Oh you do. The subject was the lack of nurse appreciation... You waxed lyrical and then waxed lyrical all over again...' he watched her expression gleefully as she was forced to admit defeat,

'Ok, so on that subject I can go on a little...'

'Or a lot,' he nudged her arm and she smiled before yawning widely.

'Why am I still sitting here Pacey? My shift starts in twenty minutes,' she dropped her head to her arms.

'Go brush your teeth and I'll drive you,' he offered.

'Really?'

'Really.'

'I know it's only a ten minute walk but I'm going to be on my feet for the next twenty four hours. Thank you,' she blew him a kiss and headed to the bathroom.

* * *

It was nearly two am when Pacey returned from the restaurant. He hadn't seen Joey for four days since dropping her at the hospital. The fact that he was thinking about when he had and hadn't seen his roommate was irking him somewhere around the fringes of his subconscious, but he didn't really dwell too much on the where's and whys. She was fun, gorgeous and she lived in his house - you look after the people who live with you because if you don't, who would? He'd had a long day but when he found Joey and a bottle of tequila in the living room, he forgot about bed and flopped onto the couch beside her.

'Pacey,' she leant her head to his shoulder in a semi embrace, 'I'm drowning my sorrows.'

'And whys that?'

'I killed someone today,' she gave him a somber look and took another drink.

'It sounded like you said you killed someone?' He took the tequila from her and took a drink, 'can I expect the police to be pounding down my door any moment.'

'No,' she shook her head and her eyes turned glassy.

'Hey,' his heart expanded at the sight, 'hey,' he repeated pulling her against him in a hug.

'It was stupid, so stupid but it happened and now it can never not happen...'

'What happened?' he ran his fingers soothingly up and down her arm.

'Oh, I was tired. I was so, so tired. I'd been there for thirty hours, but I felt ok. I made an error in numbers. I gave a guy too much of this drug, it...we'll never mind what it does. The guy was old and weak but he would have been ok if I hadn't...and now...'

'Hey...I mean it's gonna happen right?' he slid to the floor beside her and wrapped an arm around her.

'But not to me, I didn't want it to happen to me...' she looked at him, her words slurring, her eyes wide.

'I'm a chef,' he began.

'I know,' she bent her head and rested it on his shoulder.

'Yeah, but I'm a freaking good chef. I'm amazing. But every now and then I make a mistake. Something burns, I forget to add something I meant to and something is spoilt.'

'And?'

'Nobody dies,' Pacey tried to explain.

'This isn't helping yet,' she sniffed, her eyes locked on his. Pacey couldn't help but chuckle, but then he turned serious,

'We all make mistakes Jo, just in your job the mistakes have a higher cost. Human error. Think of all the lives you have saved, all the lives you will save. This error has happened early in your career when mistakes are forgivable and knowing you I'm pretty sure it will never happen again. There may be a different mistake, a different error, but not the same one...'

'That's true,' she sniffed.

'Doctors deserve the big bucks Joey because they take big risks...'

'You mean to their emotions?' she nestled a little closer.

'Yes. This has happened and you have to get right back on with it,' his fingers stroked the soft skin on her shoulder.

'Thank you Pace,' she said at length.

* * *

Time began to pass and neither Joey or Pacey mentioned her finding alernative accommodation. The truth was they liked living together, they enjoyed the company and particularly the lively but caring nature of their friendship. It wasn't like they saw all that much of each other either - they both worked long hours and over the course of a week they would see each other for breakfast a couple of times, dinner maybe once or twice, and occasionally relax on the couch for a few hours of down time. Pacey took to bringing leftovers home for Joey so she could eat something healthy. It seemed like a nice thing to do, the thing a good roommate would do. Occasionally Pacey heard her talking to Dawson behind her closed door, or umming into her cellphone as she prepared coffee, or pulled on her shoes. She'd always end the call with a 'you too' which Pacey figured was her response to his declaration of love.

'So Dawson wants to visit soon,' she stated one morning about five weeks into her internship.

'I'm surprised he hasn't been before now,' Pacey teased and truly he was. If Joey was his girlfriend Pacey would definitely have visited. He stared at her, looking at the way her lips closed around her cereal spoon and feeling a flush of hormonal lust, that he knew was just plain out of order given that she was Dawson's girlfriend and his friend. Pacey realized he needed to get laid. He hadn't been with a woman since Joey's first night and that had to change.

'He's been busy,' she shrugged easily.

'As have you,' he smiled.

'Yeah,' she yawned and he laughed.

'So when is the love in planned for?'

'In about four weeks, if that's ok of course?'

'Of course,' he nodded.

'Great. Thank you Pace.'

'Not a problem,' he smiled at her indulgently and tugged on her messy ponytail.

'You wanna go to the movies tonight? I mean provided my shift ends when it's supposed to? I feel like getting out but I'm not sure I can muster the energy for conversation,' she asked.

'Sure,' Pacey agreed readily forgetting his earlier decision to get laid if at all possible. 'Text me when you're done and I'll pick you up at the hospital.'

'Great... And Pace?' she fluttered her eyelashes subconsciously and he melted a little.

'Yeah?'

'Can I beg a ride?'

'If you're ready in five,' he nodded.

'I'll be ready in five.'

* * *

'So what do you want to see?' Pacey shot a sideways glance at Joey who was staring at the list of movies and show times.

'Hmmmm...Dawson recommended the critically acclaimed one of course,' she pointed.

'And you really want to see?'

'_The Hunger Games_?' she gave him a hopeful look and he swung an arm causally across her shoulders,

'The thing about me Potter, is if you want to watch just about any movie I'm happy. Add a good looking girl to the cast and I'm even happier. Sit me next to a beautiful girl and well you don't even have to ask. Now let's choose candy, get popcorn and get some awesome seats.'

'You're a goof,' she giggled and rolled her eyes. 'I'll get tickets and go claim seats, you do refreshments.'

'Deal.'

* * *

'What is that, the extra grand size popcorn?' Joey's eyes were saucers as she took hold of the napkins he passed her and then balanced the enormous box on her knees.

'I'm a hungry boy,' Pacey gave her his best impish grin and plopped the decidedly heavy bag of candy on her lap whilst he got comfortable.

'I doubt that. If I were surrounded by your cooking all day I don't think I'd ever stop eating.'

'Awww, you say the sweetest things,' he mocked as he grabbed a handful of popcorn, moving the box so he had the job of holding it. 'So how's life with the other interns?'

'Jen and I are actually getting closer,' Joey admitted with a blush.

'You mean she's not the shallow bitch you originally thought she was?'

'Haha, I didn't think she was shallow...we just approached things differently. She's enviably relaxed...I admit I can be a little uptight.'

'Did she manage to convince Jack into sex in the on call room?'

'Didn't I tell you? Jacks gay!'

'Is he single?'

'What, you run out of women?' she asked with a cheeky smile.

'Haha, I was thinking we could throw a party and I could invite my brother.'

'Your brother Doug, right?'

'You got it.'

'Doug's gay?'

'He only recently came out. He needs someone with a bit of know how and confidence to ease him into being out and proud.'

'Then Jack's your guy. He came out back in high school apparently.'

'Then we must arrange a party. You must be making friends now?'

'Well yeah - I spend nearly all my time with people from the hospital. Jen, Jack and I have lunch everyday. Drue, the other intern...he's, well, deep down I guess he's ok.'

'He the tall guy acting like I was some guy collecting you for a date and he had to get all over protective?'

'Yeah,' she grinned.

'Well I think that's my role now so he better back off,' Pacey grinned.

'I hardly think you need to run that routine. Dawson is your best friend and there is only Dawson.'

'You're a beautiful girl, I think there'll be other guys sniffing around,' he shrugged and delved for popcorn at the same time as Joey, their fingers tangling together momentarily. He was embarrassed by the blush, but doubted she could see in the dark.

'I'm not so beautiful in scrubs, nor after a twenty hour shift.'

'Stop protesting, you're always beautiful,' Pacey chided glibly.

'Well thanks,' it was her turn to blush which he only saw because the screen came to life.

* * *

Over the following four weeks it seemed their schedules coincided a lot more, and baring emergencies at either of their works they were colliding either in the morning or evening and on occasion both. Pacey enjoyed coming home more now there was company, and laughter and general frivolity. Joey had dragged Jen and Jack home on occasion for drinks when drinks were called for, or if Pacey text and said he was bringing home "lots" of leftovers she'd drag her two new best friends home. Pacey found a kindred spirit in both Jack and Jen, and took to running with Jack when possible which wasn't as often as either would have liked. More often than not they played wii in Pacey's living room. A new evolution in life was the way Jen, Jack and Joey would call into Sophie's a couple of times a week at the end of their shift. More often that not their drinks were free, or the meal was free, or Pacey would slip into the seat next to Joey and join them, but unlike the first few weeks of living together, their lives had actually melded together.

'So when will we get to meet this beau of yours?' Jen asked Joey as they supped back a glass of wine in the living room of Pacey's brownstone. Pacey looked at Joey who shrugged a little,

'I'm not really sure. He gets here tomorrow,' her eyes flittered across the room and caught his.

'He and I are hanging out Saturday because Joey's working.'

'Dawson wants to catch up properly on Sunday,' Joey dipped her head, her eyes falling away from Pacey's.

'Of course he does,' Pacey murmured, 'he'd be a fool not to want to whisk you away.'

'What about Friday?'

'He suggested dinner at _Sophie's_. He said he's never been?' Joey arched inquisitive brows at Pacey.

'Come on Pacey, surely your best friend has been to your restaurant?' Jack whacked Pacey on the arm.

'Unless you're just best friends who never see each other?' Jen added.

'Or was Sophie some girl Dawson stole off you?' Jacks eyes shone gleefully.

'Really,' Pacey scoffed, 'she'd be a girl I stole off him.' Joey laughed,

'So was she?'

'Contrary to all the rumours Sophie's is not named after an ex girlfriend.'

'So how come Dawson has never been?' Joey stared at him and he faltered under those eyes.

'Dawson thought I should have used the money differently.'

'This mysterious windfall of yours?' Joey probed.

'That one.'

'And will you ever tell us where it came from?' Jack asked.

'Jackers, as much as I love you guys, I've only known you four weeks. Let's give it some time,' Pacey smirked and Jen and Jack grinned.

'He'll cave,' Jen stated.

'I don't know,' Joey pursed her lips. 'You know I could always ask Dawson.'

'She could always ask Dawson,' Jack's smile grew.

'But she won't,' Pacey shrugged, 'because Joey's the kind of girl that respects privacy.'

'Usually,' she smirked.

'I can kick you out?' he teased but she just laughed,

'As if you would.' And it was true - Pacey had no intention of asking her to leave, or prompting her to look for elsewhere.

'So it has been a long time, how you feeling about seeing Dawson?' Jen asked and in unison all of them turned to look at the sultry brunette.

'I...Honestly?'

'But of course,' Jen encouraged.

'Nervous. It's been...eight or nine weeks and yeah we speak on the phone, but our lives are so separate now. I'm sure it'll be ok. I want it to be ok.'

'The guys head over heels for you,' Pacey hastened to reassure.

'He was,' Joey admitted, 'He really was, but now...I don't know... He's been talking about how hard this is. And it is hard, but we were in love. It was pretty amazing those first six months together...' she trailed off.

'The truth is the first bit together is always pretty amazing. It's how we respond to the tough bits, the realities. You know living together. But you guys can't do that because he's there and you're here,' Jack mused and Jen and Pacey both nodded their agreement.

'You see I don't know that,' Joey admitted, 'I'm new to relationships. Dawson is the first boyfriend I've had.' Jen scoffed at that,

'I'm sorry but look at you! That can't be true,' she laughed and Joey blushed,

'I've dated guys, but not got to the relationship bit, you know the bit where you're not trying so hard.'

'And you got their with Dawson?'

'Dawson sees the best in people, the best in situations. It makes it easier. Perhaps not real but easy.'

'I'm sure he's gonna turn up and you're gonna be back in the magic land of love Jo. Your real side is pretty nice so you don't need to worry,' Pacey told her in a serious voice.

'I hope,' she gave him a smile.

* * *

The morning of Dawson's arrival Pacey was due at the restaurant, but his feet felt sluggish and his mood a little somber. Cursing a night of insomnia, a night spent thinking about what Dawson might tell Joey, he made coffee and drank it staring out at the overgrown backyard.

'Morning Pace,' Joey sang from behind him,

'Oh hey,' he gave her a nod but resumed staring at the jungle.

'You ok?' She asked at length.

'Thinking is all.'

'You want to talk?'

'I was thinking I should sort out the garden.'

'Sort out the garden in spring,' she shrugged. 'It's not so bad anyway. We can chop it back a bit.'

'I...' Pacey trailed off. 'Dawson and I fell out. Two years or so after high school. Stuff happened and well...we had a period of coolness. Things are good now. Like they were, but he didn't like me very much for a long time. I didn't like me very much and well...my success... He didn't like that either,' he turned to look at her. Her expression was open, accepting.

'What did you fall out over?'

'That... That's the thing...' he stopped talking. 'I don't talk about it. Not to anyone,' he stated, 'but I don't know how Dawson will take us being friends, and I just wanted you to know that we are friends, that I... I don't want to lose that.'

'My friendship with you is nothing to do with Dawson,' Joey stated but Pacey gave her a look, the sort of look that said really she knew different. 'Ok I'll rephrase. We are friends now and that friendship is important to me to.'

'Good,' Pacey nodded. He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her about Sophie, about the argument, about everything but he didn't know whether he wanted to tell Joey because she was Joey or because Dawson might tell her. If it was the former he should speak now because the latter was likely to occur.

'I should head to the store,' Joey said squeezing his arm.

'Wait,' Pacey placed his hand on hers. 'Just a second,' he stared at his hand on hers, his fingers wrapped around hers. 'Sophie was a little girl,' he looked down and took a deep breath, several in fact.

'Was she your daughter?' Joey asked gently.

'No...not mine. But she was in my car the day she died.'


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope everyone enjoys this part. As always please review. I hate begging but I'm not above it:-) A big, huge, special thank you to my regular reviewers - you guys keep me posting.**

**FYI this story is not wildly complicated, just a story of human interaction, with a festive spin! **

**Thanks, Tab :-)**

**Chapter 3**

Joey hadn't said a word. She'd looked at him for a long moment and then taken his hand and led him to the couch. They sat together and she looked at him expectantly.

'My sister, she came home from college when I was in senior year. My parents and I...we have a difficult relationship...I'm not their favourite kid, I'm probably their least favourite kid and so when Gretchen came home we got a place together out by the coast. It was pretty fun. I quickly realized why she'd come home from college...'

'She was pregnant?'

'She was pregnant. It bothered mom and dad, but it didn't bother me. When I graduated I started to work in Dawson's parent's restaurant and I lived with Gretchen. Sophie was the cutest baby ever. And in a way she was like my kid because I helped with night time feeds, I rocked her to sleep, I changed her diapers and I loved her. I adored her...' Pacey trailed off, surprised when Joey's hand gripped onto his. He squeezed it,

'I was looking after her for the day. Gretch had to go to work and as I regularly had a Monday off, she was always mine for the day. We'd do fun stuff. Go to the beach, the park, a playgroup... Fun stuff. She was three by this point and a lively little thing. She could drive us bananas but she was so affectionate and aside from her mom I was her favourite. I've never been anyone's favourite but that little girl loved me. I'd taken her to the zoo. It was a special treat for her birthday the following week. Several things happened none of which were my fault. Except it doesn't always help knowing something isn't our fault. The point is I took her to the zoo, and we were on that piece of road because of it.'

'What happened?'

'Sophie had fallen asleep in her car seat. I was driving along and this city truck, it hadn't secured its equipment, and it spilled onto the road. I avoided the scaffolding, I managed to avoid a serious crash, but the guy behind me, he was over the limit and on his phone and he didn't, his car flipped and crashed into us. Sophie was killed instantly and I...I was in a coma with a head injury and an assortment of broken bones and other stuff, but I healed.'

'Pace,' his name from her lips soothed him.

'I'm a fraud. I have a house and a restaurant and a life and that little girl doesn't. They gave Gretchen and I money, a payout - my dad he decided to sue, it's not my style and it's not Gretchen's but I was a mess for a long time. I had a lot of medical bills only some of which insurance covered. That's why my folks sued.'

'I don't see how it makes you a fraud,' Joey said gently, the feel of her hand in his hair momentarily overwhelming until he realized she was touching the scar from his head wound.

'I don't own this house through hard work. I don't have my restaurant because of hard work. I have these things because some jerk didn't secure his truck properly, because some other idiot drank at lunch and chatted on his cell. I have these things because my niece is dead.'

'You lost a lot that day, it doesn't make you a fraud to have invested money into a life that was irreparably changed because of that day.'

'I don't know,' Pacey shrugged a little. 'Dawson felt it wasn't for the best.'

'And what was it to do with Dawson?'

'I...I invested some money for Dawson once and it didn't work out. He lost the money. He wanted me to invest my payout into a movie of his. I wouldn't. I repaid what I'd lost him even though it was his risk to take, but he wanted me to be part of his dream.'

'I've noticed that Dawson wants others to share in his dream, that his dream is somehow above the dreams of others.'

'I was in a dark place Joey. I wasn't as kind as I could have been. I was angry and grieving and a mess really. He didn't like that I drank to much, slept with women and was angry.'

'Were you worried I would have judged you had Dawson told me this?' Joey asked softly and Pacey considered the question,

'I was, but that's not why I told you,' he shrugged.

'Why did you tell me?'

'Because I wanted you to know, and I wanted to be the one to tell you.'

'I'm glad you shared.'

'Me too,' Pacey looked down at his hands.

'And I don't think you're a fraud,' she wrapped both of her hands around his, 'I think you're very wonderful.'

'You do?' he looked at her and she nodded.

'You made the right decisions about what to do with that money because it was your money, money to help with what you lost, and really money doesn't help, it only eases because we're left with the scars. And it's nonsense that you haven't worked hard. Anyone can open a restaurant but it takes hard work and skill to make it a success. You work damn hard Pacey. I'm sorry you lost Sophie. I'm sorry you lost that time in your life.'

'Thank you,' Pacey wanted to hug her and so he did, pulling her body close to his and wrapping his arms right around her. It took her a couple of moments but she hugged him back just as tight.

* * *

Pacey couldn't seem to get his head on straight. He'd had to release Joey at some point that morning and get to the restaurant. Joey had turned up a few hours later to borrow his car so she could go and collect Dawson's but none of that was the problem. The problem was he couldn't stop thinking about her. Every bit of the conversation ran through his head, the feel of her hand in his hair, the feel of her hand in his, the feel of her body against his as they hugged, the feel of her arms holding him close. Her smile, her eyes, the way she bit that plump bottom lip of hers, the way she would laugh over his stupid customer stories, or get tipsy and be a total goof. His head was full of Joey Potter. Quite literally. He contemplated calling Jack, begging him to come by for dinner but he realized that it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't make Joey less beautiful even if he had company to distract him. It wouldn't make her less fun, or interesting, or less Joey. Nothing would change. It wouldn't change the fact that she was his best friend's girlfriend. It wouldn't change the fact that he was falling in love with his best friend's girlfriend.

It was at around eight that they finally pushed through the doors to his restaurant, her hand in his, her eyes sparkling at something he'd said and Pacey felt sick. Dawson looked good, his blond hair short, his clothes smart - smarter than Pacey's anyway.

'Who is that guy with _your_ girlfriend?' Audrey, his best waitress, smirked.

'Hah,' he let out a sardonic bark of laughter, 'you know she isn't my girlfriend.'

'So why can't we have sex anymore Pacey?' Audrey gave him her best impression of a pleading kitten.

'Pacey,' Dawson was at the bar and embracing Pacey in an enthusiastic man hug. 'This place is amazing...I never imagined it like this. Or your house.'

'Well you know,' Pacey wasn't sure what to say. Dawson didn't imagine Pacey's success in terms separate from him. 'Jo,' he nodded at his roommate who was shifting from foot to foot.

'Seriously, this place is nice...very Boston.'

'Farm to table's all the rage,' Pacey was modest.

'You should read the reviews,' Joey told Dawson who smiled down at her.

'Glowing I'm sure,' he smiled. 'Shall we find our table? You and I have time to catch up tomorrow right?' Dawson smiled at Pacey but gestured with his eyes for Pacey to understand. Unfortunately Pacey did understand - only too well.

'Sure. Audrey will show you to your table. Have a nice night,' he gave Joey a quick smile and headed to the kitchen to work this new found problem out. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Falling in love wasn't on his agenda, but falling in love with Dawson's girlfriend? The worst possible person to ever fall in love with - he must be a glutton for punishment, a glutton for heartache.

'She's totally starry eyed about that boy,' Audrey stated as she brought their order to the kitchen,

'Hmmm,' he muttered stirring the sauce he was preparing.

'Hmmm,' she was clearly amused. Pacey needed a plan, and whilst it might not be the best plan, any plan was better than the utter disaster zone he was currently in,

'You want to have sex? Tonight we can have sex,' he stared at her.

'Wow Pace, way to make a girl feel special,' Audrey stood behind him and slid a hand down to cup his ass.

'I'll make you feel special,' he turned his head and pressed his lips to his throat.

'I wish that girl's boyfriend came more often,' Audrey teased as she moved to take another tables meals.

Pacey hid in the kitchen. He couldn't stop himself peeking every now and then, looking at them laugh, looking at her holding Dawson's hand, watching the way Dawson got to touch her. It was painful and so he was relieved when they stopped at the bar to say goodbye.

* * *

Despite Audrey's pointed remarks she closed up with him, shared a bottle of wine with him and then stumbled back to his house with him. He was stupidly relieved when they stumbled into the living room kissing and Joey and Dawson were in there. At least she wouldn't be suspicious. At least she wouldn't know that he really wanted her, Dawson would tell her it was normal Pacey and hopefully she wouldn't questions why it hadn't been normal since she'd arrived in his life. As Audrey pushed him from the room he did catch her eye and there was something in it, something like disappointment, and something like fear. Not that he was great at reading emotions from eyes.

* * *

Pacey woke stupidly early the following morning, especially considering his late night and the previous nights insomnia. Audrey snored in the bed beside him. She hadn't left the previous evening like he'd hoped she would, but had dared him openly to try and kick her out. He hadn't of course. He knew the real reason he was getting up early was not Audrey's snoring, or even Dawson's which he could also hear, but was because he'd heard Joey go through the shower and head downstairs. He was a total sucker apparently.

'Morning,' he said quietly. It was weird having so many other people in his part of the house.

'You have a nice night?' she gave him a pointed and slightly haughty look.

'It was great,' he matched her look.

'Well great,' her tone was clipped. 'I didn't really expect to see you so early, what with all the giggling until the early hours.'

'That keep you awake?' His tone was measured.

'It was loud,' she stated.

'Funny, but I didn't hear you at all,' he tilted his head inquisitively and she blushed,

'That's...that's... over the boundary,' she huffed, clearly irritated.

'What boundary?'

'Of roommate etiquette,' she crossed her arms.

'You were commenting about how loud my sexual partner was. I was merely congratulating you on how quiet you managed to be,' he smirked feeling a little triumphant.

'That... It's none of your business,' she pursed her lips and looked away from him.

'That's assuming you slept with him...' he wasn't sure what drove him to that particular jibe.

'Here's the line Pace,' she gestured angrily, 'and here's you,' she gestured way over the line.

'So I'm crossing boundaries and lines, I guess that makes me some kind of rebel,' he glared at her, unreasonably angry at the fact that she was Dawson's.

'Actually it makes you a jackass,' she snarled and dumped her coffee in the sink.

'Hey,' he caught her arm, 'I'm sorry,' he loved her fire but he didn't want to hurt her. She looked up at him and she looked panicked, her eyes glassy, her hands knotting together. 'Really I am,' his sincerity was blatant.

'It's...it just seems easy for you,' she began and his heart began to race, began to hope.

'What does?'

'Sex, intimacy.'

'And it's not for you?' maybe his jibe had hit a little close to home.

'I just...keep waiting...'

'You keep waiting?' he didn't understand.

'To you know...have sex...I mean I want to. I love Dawson,' she frowned and he was honestly stunned. Despite his earlier theatrics he'd thought it a given that she was sleeping with Dawson, that there were other guys before Dawson. He hated her declaration of love but he felt a niggle of hope at the overdone adamant nature of her statement, as if she were trying a little too hard to convince herself.

'Do you?' he asked and she frowned.

'I want to be normal,' she stated and glared at the counter top.

'You think you're not normal?' he was embarrassed that his voice squeaked a little.

'I'm a twenty four year old virgin. I don't think I'm normal,' she gave him a look, a lok of wretchedness, or torment and pain. He hated it.

'Just because that isn't the way most people choose to behave doesn't make you abnormal. What are you waiting for though? If you want to and you love Dawson, take that step.'

'I... I don't know Pace. I think maybe there's something wrong with me, that I just don't feel... You know...it...' there were tears in her eyes.

'What?' he frowned.

'The zing,' she blushed.

'Joey, you're a doctor, say it like it is...' he felt a little warm himself.

'I don't get turned on,' she blushed horribly red, 'I mean I do to begin with but it doesn't go...you know where it's supposed to and then it just sort of goes away.'

'You don't come,' Pacey stated and she shook her head, her eyes steadfastly locked on the wooden table. 'Have you ever...' he asked and she shook her head again. 'You haven't...touched yourself?'

'I tried but it didn't do anything,' she shrugged, 'so what's the point.'

'No guy has managed to...'

'No,' she shook her head again.

'Because they haven't tried?' he asked and she nodded. 'Dawson hasn't tried?' Pacey knew his friend would be willing to take things slow, that was Dawson's style but he couldn't imagine him keeping his hands entirely to himself, not after eight months together.

'He's touched me and...I...well...he thinks it's good for me. He knows I don't finish but I pretend to enjoy it...'

'But you don't?'

'No,' she rested her head on her arms.

'Do you find Dawson sexually attractive? Do you look at him and feel a desperation to touch him? Does the thought of his ass in your hands make your stomach swoop? Do you crave kissing him?'

'I don't know,' she looked up at him with desperate eyes, 'I mean Dawson is so nice, so lovely to look at, but he doesn't always get me. He's always saying how he knows me, how there aren't surprises. He says the sex thing doesn't bother him, that he loves me and that's great, but I want him to want me. I want him to be crazy for me. I don't feel all that desired. Sometimes I feel a bit like he pushes sex to claim me as his, and I would think I'd like that but from him...it doesn't always make me feel good.'

'That's all important but doesn't answer my question,' Pacey took her hand.

'At first it was so much fun kissing him. There was no pressure, no stress about where it would go. It was new, intimate and fun. So at first I wanted to kiss him, but I don't know...I was so willing to go all the way, I was ready, sick to death of being a virgin, sick of not enjoying what everyone else does, but the first time he touched me it hurt. I wasn't relaxed and well it didn't really get any better.'

'Maybe it's him?' Pacey suggested. 'Maybe he doesn't know how to touch a girl. How to make her feel what she's supposed to feel?'

'Nice try Pace,' she gave him a small smile, 'but this is all me.'

'Maybe and maybe not,' he curled an arm around her neck and kissed the top of her head, 'but I happen to think that sometimes the chemistry doesn't work. It doesn't mean you don't love someone, that you don't think they're attractive...it just doesn't work.'

'So why has it never worked for me, until...' she began and then her pager went off. 'I have to go,' she groaned.

'I'll drive you,' he stated but she shook her head,

'Get back to Ms Giggles Pace and have a fun day with your friend.'

'Ok,' he nodded as she literally fled for what was apparently an emergency. Pouring a second cup of coffee he headed back upstairs to his room and to Audrey.

'Hi,' Audrey gave him a searching look from where she sat in his bed.

'Coffee?' he looked at the mug and she nodded so he handed it to her,

'So I've realized that we can't sleep together any more,' she stated as he sat on the edge of the bed.

'We can't?' he frowned.

'What I mean is we shouldn't, I won't.'

'You seemed to enjoy last night?' he hedged.

'I always enjoy going to bed with you Pacey. That's not the problem. The problem is that you had sex with me because you were angry your roommate was with her boyfriend. The problem is that you went running from this room the minute you heard her leave hers. The problem is you want her and not me.'

'I'm sorry.'

'I was lying,' Audrey stated boldly, her eyes flitting to the white cotton of his duvet cover.

'I'm confused. When were you lying?'

'Yesterday when I said she was starry eyed over her boyfriend. I don't think she's as sure as he is. He thinks he's a catch, and he doesn't notice that she's not listening. She kept looking to the bar for you.'

'Really?' his heart lurched hopefully and he was unable to tone down the optimism in his voice.

'Hmmm, I think she may be conflicted,' Audrey shrugged. 'And if there's any hope for you with her, I know there's no hope for me with you.'

'I am sorry.'

'You should tell her how you feel,' Audrey suggested in a soft voice.

'But I can't do that to Dawson. He's my best friend. Going after his girl is the ultimate betrayal.'

'Well maybe she won't be his girl for long.'

'It's still wrong.'

'And he's in LA and you're here, with her.'

'Thank you Audrey,' he said after a few moments, 'You're a good friend.'

* * *

'Now this is like the old days,' Dawson murmured as he and Pacey waited for the afternoon movie to start.

'That it is.'

'So I wanted to thank you for letting Joey stay... You've really helped her settle into a new city.'

'You know,' he shrugged uncomfortable.

'I mean it Pace. This is the guy I grew up with, putting himself out for others. I appreciate it.'

'You know she's not easy to have around,' Pacey went for glib, 'she uses all the hot water, everyday. She drinks coffee like it's chocolate and eats chocolate like it's cocaine. Her hours are crazy and she's always falling asleep in various places around the house including the toilet.'

'No,' Dawson cracked up taking Pacey's speech as good natured rambling.

'You think I'm joking but I'm not. I hammered on that door and she admitted it.'

'She's amazing.'

'Whatever floats your boat man, I mean sleeping on toilets is less amazing and more a sign of some serious sleep deprivation...'

'You know what I mean,' Dawson interrupted with a grin.

'I do and yes she is amazing,' Pacey nodded. 'How are you finding the separation?'

'Would it make me sound like the worst boyfriend in the world if I admitted I was expecting a bigger reunion?' Dawson looked at Pacey.

'A bigger reunion?' Pacey played dumb.

'Things were...affectionate before she left but we were taking things slowly...it was hard, she was so busy, so I guess maybe I was expecting her to take more time, to be more into me...I thought we might take the next step. I mean sex is the logical next step.'

'You haven't slept together?' again with the fake intrigue.

'Joey's innocent, I told you. She wants to be sure, to be committed but I wasn't expecting to marry her just yet...'

'And not just to sleep with her,' Pacey added and Dawson gave sheepish smile.

'I do love her. I did wildly before she moved here but she's just so far away. We speak on the phone, but we're distant and then when I see her it's like the physical part is starting all over again. I can be patient but this is taking forever. We're not teenagers. Sex is an important part of any healthy relationship.'

'This relationship may have always been doomed. She's here for the foreseeable future and you're there.'

'But she's amazing.'

'As established,' Pacey nodded,

'I don't want to break up with her...'

'So don't, see how it goes but recognize that there might be a reason things are tough.'

'Maybe if we spoke more?' Dawson looked optimistic.

'I live with her and can go days at a time without seeing her. Believe me she tries.'

'Sometimes it's a whole week before we speak,' Dawson admitted, 'and that's hard because whilst I feel all this stuff for her, sometimes time is full and I don't notice.' Pacey thought he was an unappreciative bastard. That was probably the love talking he decided. 'Sometimes...' Dawson hesitated, 'sometimes I find other girls hard to resist. I mean you know me Pace. I've never had girls throwing themselves at me, and I've never been tempted to cheat, but sometimes it feels like we're not together at all.'

'But you haven't actually cheated?' Pacey clarified and Dawson shook his head, 'look spend tomorrow together and see how it goes.'

'I thought I'd take her to Capeside, show her the parents, the house, the creek.'

'Perfect,' Pacey smiled, hurting inside.

* * *

It was late on Sunday night. _Sophie's_ closed at ten and Pacey had been home since ten thirty. After a shower he'd grabbed a beer and headed for the couch and the hockey match. He was tired but too het up to sleep. He kept thinking about Dawson taking Joey to Capeside about how it was going, about all that Joey had admitted to him and all Dawson had said.

Joey entered the house like a storm. The front door slammed and her feet thundered up the stairs before her door shut with a defiant click. At first he thought she might be devastated after dropping Dawson at the airport. Then he thought she might just be devastated and any thought of her being upset made his guts twist painfully. Putting his beer on the coffee table he went to the kettle and placed it on the stove, turning on the gas under it. After making a hot chocolate he climbed the stairs hesitating outside her room. After a moment he knocked. No answer. He knocked again.

'Go away,' she stated from within.

'No,' he called through the door. 'I'm coming in so you better be decent...I'm counting to three...one...' he waited, 'two...' he gave a long pause 'three...' he opened the door and peeked in. She wasn't sobbing or anything really dramatic, but it was almost worse to see her sat on her bed, her arms wrapped around her knees and tears sliding down her face.

'Joey,' he hated to see her cry, loathed it. He put the hot chocolate beside her bed and sat beside her and wrapping an arm around her pulled her close, his lips landing on her hair. 'Hey, it's ok.'

'Pacey,' she turned and buried her face in his neck, the warmth of her tears salting his skin. He couldn't answer how long he held her for but it must have been a long time because he jolted awake and the morning sun was flitting through the window as she hadn't drawn the blind. Joey was curled up into his side, her arm hugging him like a glorified teddy bear. He stared at her for a long time, looking at the fan of her lashes on her cheek, the perfect pout of her mouth, the soft dark hair that cascaded over his hand. His body ached with love. At length she stirred, her eyes fluttering, until she was pushing away from him and sitting up, her hand rubbing at her sleepy eyes. She didn't say anything but watched him and then after a beat leaned across him and drank from the now cold chocolate drink. He looked at the drink and held out his hand and she passed him the cup. He drank from it too - like heck was he going to have morning breath when she smelt like chocolate. Satisfied that he was cocoa-ed up he put the mug back beside her bed.

'How you doing?' he asked.

'I need to shower. I have to be at the hospital by nine.'

'Well it's seven, so you have time to answer me,' he stated but he could feel her pulling away. 'Jo, come on. You were crying. I hate it when you cry...'

'Because I make your shirt damp?' she asked in a low voice.

'Because it means you're sad,' he took her hand.

'Pacey,' she murmured his name almost reverentially and his heart throbbed with want, desire and need. 'It wasn't his fault. It really wasn't.'

'Just tell me what happened,' he urged.

'He thought it would be romantic, you know how he is about romance and symbolism and all of that. He took me to his house, and it was beautiful. It really was and his parents were nice, but then they went to work and I went and sat on his dock. When I went back in he took me up to his old room. He'd lit candles, put out flowers, a bottle of champagne. It was supposed to be romantic...' she trailed off.

'But?'

'But it felt like _so_ much pressure. He planned for us to have sex. He started to talk about how maybe we were making it into too much of a big deal, that maybe we should just do it... That maybe the closeness we had in LA would return if we were intimate and I hate how I am. I hate it and so I said I'd try.' She was silent and as he didn't know what to say, Pacey stayed quiet.

'It's supposed to be romantic right? Candles, champagne?' she repeated a little desperately.

'So they say.'

'So why didn't I feel anything. All I wanted was for him to be as far from me as possible which is stupid because I'm supposed to love him. Then of course my mind took over, because if I'm using words like "_supposed_" - do I really love him?'

'Only you can know...'

'No Pacey, you don't understand. I was convinced I loved him. In LA I was sure. Why am I not sure anymore? And how can I trust my judgement if I don't love him? I am _not_ a flighty person Pacey!'

'Maybe you do love him. Maybe you're not _in love_ with him?' he asked and she sighed,

'He was doing everything he thought would work. He was kissing me and touching me and I didn't want it, but I'd said it was ok and so he kept going. He took my silence as it was feeling ok, that it was good and then it got to that moment and I froze, I mean I freaked out. I just jumped up, pulled on my clothes and said we needed to go and that was it. Then in the car he was all quiet and angry. He was really angry, probably because I couldn't talk to him. I mean I hope he wasn't angry about the sex thing. Disappointed maybe, but not angry? He said that maybe this wasn't going to work, that we should take the next stretch of absence to think things through. He suggested I get help.'

'So you don't have sex and he's suggesting time apart?' Pacey was angry on her behalf.

'He didn't say time apart but yes, I think he meant that. I mean I don't blame him. I'm the worst girlfriend in the world. He was trying so hard. He tried to be romantic and sexy and... maybe I do need help...'

'Joey, look at me a second,' he was frowning but he needed to be looking into her eyes. 'When I'm with a girl I can tell when she's enjoying it. Not because of the noises she makes, or doesn't make, but as you well know her body lets me know. There are tells. The way she's breathing, a slight leaning into a touch, how she feels, you know down there. You will feel like that one day but not because Dawson sets up the perfect romantic scene.'

'I want to feel like that. Maybe I'm just all screwed up. Maybe I can't feel like that because I'm uptight and can't relax and am too damn focussed on success.'

'Maybe,' he shrugged, 'but one day there'll be the right time and place and person and the fact that you haven't done it before, haven't felt those feelings before, it won't matter.'

'I'd like to believe that,' she looked down, away from him. 'I'd like to be worthy of something like that.'

'Worth has got nothing to do with it Jo,' Pacey frowned, 'I mean why say that? Sex doesn't not work because you're somehow not worthy of an orgasm - the body doesn't know.'

'But maybe that is it, maybe the body does know. Nobody can love me because I'm not open to the idea of love, to the idea of getting truly close to anyone.'

'Well is that true? Do you want to keep people at a distance?' He frowned not liking the notion of her being somehow unavailable at all. Boyfriends could come and go but he wanted her to one day want and have the intimacy of forever.

'You told me about Sophie,' she hesitated, 'and you know, my life - it's not a big secret except of course it is because when you move to new places and meet new people you have the luxury of people not knowing everything about you...' she sighed and Pacey took her hand.

'Tell me please,' he pleaded.

'I didn't grow up like Dawson. I was poor. I was from the wrong part of town and from the wrong sort of family. I have a big sister, which is lucky because my mom died when I was twelve and my dad ended up in jail at the same time and so it was just us. Bessie was good to me but she had her boyfriend and her son and then me - her angry little sister. I didn't have good friends. I didn't have someone like you to look out for me and talk over crap with me. I spent most of my days alone, studying. I guess I'm scared to let people in, to let them be close to me. I don't want to be left any more but I'm scared I'm not worth staying for and so maybe that's why I run? Maybe I don't want someone as close as sex allows them. I've made it an emotional thing instead of just physical and so I can't relax because if I let them in and they leave, what then? I mean _everyone_ leaves Pacey.'

Pacey didn't know what to say but he didn't want her to interpret his silence as rejection so he said part of what he felt inside,

'I'm not leaving you. You're my best friend and I could never leave you. You're worth staying for in every way. Not just because you make me laugh but because you make me happy, you make me feel safe and contented and you make me want to be better than I am, but happy with who I am all at the same time.'

'That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,' she sniffled.

'Well I didn't say it because it's nice I said it because it's true,' the urge to kiss her was hard to fight.

'I've spent all weekend with my boyfriend, if I can even call him that anymore, and yet this moment is the best I've felt,' she sniffed again.

'Guys can be stupid about sex. I'm sorry.'

'Would you dump a girl for not having sex?' she asked and he paused to consider. What if Joey were his and sex wasn't going as it should?

'If you were my girlfriend,' he answered carefully, 'I'd want to find out what works for you. I'd want to try and make it good for you, but no I don't think I would walk away. However, if I thought I couldn't do it for you physically? Then I might encourage you to think if I was the right guy for you.'

'I think Dawson is testing out whether he's happy without me,' she said glumly. 'I don't think he thinks I'm worth it.'

'He didn't say that,' he consoled.

'Dawson and I, we're not friends Pacey. We went from strangers to dating, to boyfriend and girlfriend. There was no friendship. I think that without sex...'

'You need to talk to him.'

'And I need help.'

'You don't. He needs to be more patient. He needs to make time in the bedroom about you and not him and he needs to take off the pressure.'

'You always make things feel better,' she gave yet another indulgent sniff,

'Well I can make it even better. You go through the shower and I'll make waffles.'

'With strawberries, cream and syrup?' she gave asked with a subconscious flutter of her eyelashes and he grinned,

'Of course.'

'I'm sorry if I...' she trailed off, seeking the right word, '_over share._'

'You don't.'

'Well in the spirit of not over sharing, you're my best friend too. I wish I'd had a friend like you growing up. I might not be quite so fucked up,' she smiled at him and he felt himself melt into a mushy puddle.

* * *

Time began to pass more quickly, weeks turning into months, the air beginning to chill as winter approached. Crisp fall leaves under foot became icy snow and Pacey began to love time at home, began to relish his house more than he ever had. Whilst he and Joey both worked crazy hours, when they were home he'd light the fire and they'd snuggle under a large blanket to watch tv, or Jen and Jack would be there laughing around the table whilst they all ate and drank too much. He'd invited Doug over a bunch of times and was pleased by the enthusiastic flirting between he and Jack, lighthearted, easy going Jack a good match for his stoic big brother. Joey wasn't the rowdiest person when they were all together, but alone she would relax, telling stupid jokes, stories from her childhood, even doing crazy dances to whatever song was playing on the radio. Pacey learned a lot about her - how her mother died, how Joey felt when it happened, her dad's incarceration, her crush on a boy at school, her nephew's love of The English Patient, her loneliness growing up. Finding out about her life, the past that built the person before him, collaborated the story his soul was telling - _that he loved her._ Pacey loved her. It was a simple emotion within a crazy, complicated situation. She wasn't his to love, but the closer they got the more he loved her. It wasn't even like they never argued, he knew she could be sarcastic and grumpy, that she could be forgetful and untidy and on occasion, especially when she had PMS, she could be a little mean, but he loved her anyway.

Dawson continued to be a presence in their home, mainly through the confusion and hurt he was wreaking. Joey tried to call him but for whatever reason he was always apparently busy, and he wasn't returning those calls. His lack of communication created an atmosphere that was stifling and oppressive in the house and an uncertainty in Joey over whether she had a boyfriend or not. She would, on occasion, analyze that last conversation, look for the moment he dumped her but it wasn't there. However, the fact that he was incommunicado told a different story. Pacey could see the stress it caused in Joey to not know. It was driving her crazy which was driving him crazy. He tried to get hold of his friend, but for whatever misguided reason, Dawson was not getting back in touch. He probably thought he was being noble and giving her the space she needed - that was typical Dawson. The problem was Joey was confused. As a naturally loyal person she wanted to defend him from the things Jack, Jen and even Pacey would say, but she didn't know whether she should. At the end of an analysis she would often say that Dawson told her he loved her. Pacey personally thought that sometimes love wasn't really enough.

The closer they grew, the further he tried to keep himself physically. It would be so easy to wrap an arm around her, to cuddle under the blanket as they watched tv and she'd probably let him. It was just that he didn't want touches to be platonic. Most of all he didn't want her to feel him next to her and feel nothing whilst he felt everything. He was very scared that she might feel nothing with his arm wrapped around her.

'You know what Potter, we talked and talked about having a party but never did it, so I've decided we're going to throw an epic one,' he stated one evening as he cooked dinner and she poured over medical books for a case she was working on.

'For Christmas?' she gave him a bright smile, looking up from her work.

'For Christmas if we use our next mutual day off to get a tree, holly, mistletoe and decorations?' he gave her a wink.

'Yes!' she agreed immediately, 'I want to, I will,' she seemed inordinately pleased.

'You like Christmas, huh?' he gave her a soft look, a small indulgent smile.

'Yes,' she stated simply.

'Ok, so let's look at the calendar for when we're free to Christmasify the house and when to do the party,' he pulled down the calendar they both used, her shifts scribbled in black and his in blue, and put it on top of her notes, looking at it over her shoulder. It would be so easy to press his lips to the soft skin of her neck, to even just rub her shoulders.

'The twelfth to shop,' she stated, 'and ummmm, the party on the twentieth.' He coughed slightly,

'You're working all night on the nineteenth,' he made his crazy face at her and she laughed, a waft of strawberry shampoo filling his nose as she bowed her head to gesture to the calendar,

'That I am Pace, but look at the twenty first...all clear for both of us which means we get to drink, as much as we want and we get to sleep until whatever time we want the next day,' she gave him an impish smile over her shoulder and he backed away, as always torn between the right thing and the strongest desire to grab her and kiss her.

'Aww I love tired and drunk Joey...' he teased.

'Watch yourself Witter. For the last time, when drunk I am a riot,' she stated.

'That you are,' he arched his brows. 'Guest list for this little shindig?'

'Hmmm...you invite your lot and I'll invite mine and we're good?'

'And I'm safe in assuming _Sophie's_ is catering?'

'Wow Pace, what a generous offer,' she smiled sweetly and wrapping an arm around his waist squeezed releasing a cataclysmic adrenalin rush in her housemate. Making a barely audible noise between a squeak and groan, Pacey disentangled himself and chucked some white wine in the risotto he was making and then grabbed a couple of glasses and poured them one each.

'Are you trying to render my studying null and void?' she asked, a faint note of desperation.

'I'm trying to suggest that three hours over all of that paperwork hasn't yielded a result and perhaps dinner, some wine and a little conversation might allow you to return to it with a clear head,' he stood back behind her for a moment, putting down her glass and looking at the notes she'd been making.

'What do you think,' she tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes large and luminous and incredibly inviting.

'I think you doctors are crazy smart,' he replied glibly, smiling to cover his discomfort over the blatant attraction he felt must be written into every look he gave her. He tugged at her ponytail lightly, which only caused an image of his fingers tangled in her hair, her body beneath his, to flash with frightening ease across his minds eye. Which in turn did nothing to help alleviate his body's near constant approval of his roommate. Yet again he needed to get laid, though he feared that would do little to really appease his body's want.

'Now that is true,' she smirked at him apparently unaffected, but then she looked back up at him and their eyes locked and Pacey could have sworn the air around them had some sort of magnetism because he couldn't look away and apparently neither could she. Somehow his hand found its way back to her ponytail and he twisted a tendril of hair around his finger, a finger that treacherously dared to run along the nape of her neck. The slight flutter of her eyelids, the barely noticeable hitch in her breath were signs he'd longed for, signs that he affected her, that she felt something too. Her pager broke the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi all,**

**Thanks again for reviews and favourites and follows. Between wrapping presents, the store, buying wine, I'm still trying to get the final part written and you're all providing good motivation.**

**So this part is definitely rated M for sexual content - you have been warned. This story relies a little on Joey being her oblivious self to a degree, but also a slightly older more confident Joey than on the show.**

**Please review!**

**Tab :-)**

**Chapter 4**

It took Pacey a couple of long days at work before he realised that the look she'd given him, her response to the casual and barely there touch at the back of her neck, may have meant something. It meant she was aware of him, that he affected her. He was a weak man when it came to Joey Potter because once the realization arrived, he immediately wanted to do it again and again and again. In the run up to the Christmas party it became an obsession.

First he began to stare at her a little longer than necessary, thrilled by the blush he found oddly erotic. He began to stand and sit a little closer, observing the way she would flush, or she would stammer over her words, her breath catching. Occasionally he'd brush against her, bitter sweet torture for him, though gratifying in the charge it sent into the air around them.

'Morning Jo,' he padded into the kitchen and poured himself a coffee.

'You ready to shop?' she grinned at him broadly, apparently dressed and ready.

'Coffee first,' he mumbled but reached across and tweaked her adorable nose.

'Pacey,' she chided with a faint stain of red on her cheeks.

'You're a Christmas nut aren't you? I can tell we're going to be drinking wine hot with all those spices in it, eating mince pies and singing Good King Wenslas by this evening.'

'Well if you insist,' she smirked. 'I bet you have a lovely singing voice.'

'Actually it's not bad,' he grinned and grabbed a bowl for cereal.

'You need to hurry up,' she complained.

'Because they're going to sell out of tree's?' He arched a brow and she scowled.

'Sometimes I loathe you.'

* * *

Several hours later they had returned home, lugging in a large tree between them before returning to the car for the ornaments, the lights, the tinsel, the holly and the mistletoe. Pacey couldn't really recall a time in his life when christmas had been so enjoyable. Truth be told it would have been when Sophie was alive but he had blocked those memories from everyday thought, the absence of the little girl too making them unbearable. Before Sophie and since he hadn't bothered much with Christmas, but with Joey and her infectious enthusiasm by his side he'd had a thoroughly fun and festive day filled with hot chocolates and tree hunting, a skate on the outdoor rink and foraging for the perfect holly and mistletoe. The day had been easy - chatting, teasing and flirting. Well he was flirting, but there was something in the way she looked at him that he convinced himself wasn't there when she looked at Dawson. They'd bickered over the tree - he wanted a small underdog, she wanted the large showy one. She won of course, though he bought the shrimp for the dining room. She'd suggested a themed tree of red and green, a suggestion he'd kiboshed claiming a tree of eclectic decorations, a cacophony of different colours, was the way a tree was truly decorated with the spirit of Christmas. She'd caved like a soufflé removed from the oven too early. Her eyes softening and she'd began a shopping spree of epic and eclectic proportions, surprising him when she insisted that she buy the decorations as he'd yet to accept any money towards a rent for her.

Once they were home he'd set up the tree and even his damaged heart stirred at the sight of the tree in the corner beside the roaring fire. Joey stirred mulled wine on the stove as he strung the new lights around the beast and then they sat on the couch side by side, sipping at their drinks and contemplating the task ahead.

'So how come you love this holiday stuff so much?' he asked and she rested a little closer to him, her body alongside his.

'It's just fun. I love the fun of it. I'm not really religious so maybe it's hypocritical to do the Christmas thing but I do feel like, maybe thanks to the media, it is a cultural celebration that brightens the long dark months. I mean, I don't like the commercialism, but what we did today? That I loved.'

'Me too. The two Christmas's with Sophie were amazing. She was far too young to understand any of it but Gretchen and I had a field day decorating and baking. Well I did the baking and she did the decorating but the overall effect was, you know, like they make it seem on TV.'

'Do you see Gretchen much anymore?' Joey asked and he didn't mind the question. The truth was he didn't.

'After Sophie died, the whole time I was in the hospital, well Gretchen was grieving. She moved to Boston from Capeside, let our place go. I don't think she was angry at me but she was angry. She did visit once, before she left, asking me for details. The police had told her what happened, what all the witnesses said had happened but she wanted to hear it from me. She said the important words, that she didn't blame me, but I think I'm just too closely linked to her memories of her daughter and obviously to her death. We speak on the phone and we meet up every few months for dinner, but they're pretty silent occasions...you know...'

'I do know,' Joey said simply and nodded, her head dipping to the side to rest on his shoulder. 'When I was a kid people were always telling me that time heals and I hated them. I'd watched my mom die a horrible death from cancer and I couldn't see how time would heal that pain.'

'And now? Twelve years later, has time healed it at all? Because I long for a day when I don't wake up and think of her and have my guts twist with the realization that she's gone.'

'When they say time heals, I think what they really mean is time tarnishes the clarity of your memories and with that tarnish comes a kind of peace. You don't miss them in the everyday sense anymore, because they aren't part of the everyday, but I don't think it heals. It just enables us to cope better, because we have distance.'

'You're pretty smart,' he whispered and turning his head pressed his lips to her hair, unable to move away once he'd done it.

'You're pretty smart yourself,' she said and her hand brushed at his cheek in a half caress. Pacey swallowed a groan,

'So this tree isn't going to decorate itself and we both need more wine,' he gave her a quick squeeze and pushed to his feet, grinning to try and lighten the mood and the sudden tension in the room that was attempting to propel him into Joey.

'And we need to play some cheesy holiday music,' she gave him a look and he laughed,

'Barenaked ladies holiday album coming up,' he stated and grabbed his ipad, until music was playing from the speakers around the room.

'This feels like Christmas,' Joey gave him a soft look and he smiled back, handing her more wine and a cookie.

'It does,' he pulled the bags in front of them and they undid tubes of baubles, pulled out individual decorations, the tinsel until the entire coffee table was piled with decorations. 'And go,' Pacey gave her a wink.

* * *

The tree was decorated, the holly and mistletoe distributed around the house and Pacey was decidedly drunk. He was pretty certain that Joey wasn't faring any better than he as they both giggled over the stories they were telling with much greater enthusiasm than normal.

'I need more cookies,' Joey stated and Pacey grinned,

'Actually you need dinner.'

'Then make me dinner,' she ordered and he gave her a look, 'please...' she fluttered her lashes and oh the effect.

'I'll admit I'm a little drunk so I'll be making...reheated Sophie's leftovers,' he said in a grandiose manner, 'and only if you sit at the breakfast bar and talk to me.'

'Of course,' she murmured but leaned against the gap that led from the dining room to the kitchen and watched him pull the food from the fridge and switch the oven on, her eyes half lidded.

'What?' he asked without turning.

'What do you mean, what?' she asked and he could imagine her shrug.

'You're staring at me,' he stated, hating himself for the possibilities that very act promised.

'I am,' she said and he turned to look at her, all tall and willowy and beautiful, her hair in a sloppy ponytail, her hands wrapped around her wine. His whole body seemed to crave proximity, to be next to her. She was still staring and without conscious thought he took a step toward her. When he noticed where she was standing his heart began to hammer wildly and his traitorous body reacted with his blood rushing around his body with desire filled longing. It was a now or never moment.

'Why?' he asked, his voice low and husky.

'_You're_ nice to look at,' she admitted, clearly drunk to be saying such things.

'Right back at you,' he concurred and took another step in her direction and another until he was right in front her her. Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, her eyes wide, as she stared at him.

'What are you doing?' her voice was soft, a whisper of knowledge in it. He didn't answer but looked up at the bundle of mistletoe he'd hung there not an hour earlier. She followed his gaze and swallowed before lowering her eyes back to his. He didn't waste any time but pressed his lips softly to the corner of her mouth, unable to pull back immediately because he just didn't want to. It was an entirely appropriate kiss, but also completely inappropriate when he pressed another kiss to that corner of her mouth, hovering in proximity. It took all his strength but he forced himself to take a step back. Her eyes were shut, her posture totally lax and she looked young - young and innocent. Her eyes fell open and she looked at him, their eyes locked on one another.

'Dinner then,' he said awkwardly as she stared at him, that stunned expression all over her face.

'Pacey,' she whispered and he took a step back towards her.

'Yeah?'

'You... you kissed me...' she swiped at an errant hair tucking it behind her ear. He coughed,

'The...uh... mistletoe,' he stood in front of her.

'That was...' she hesitated a small frown marring her features.

'I'm sorry,' he offered.

'No...' she shook her head, 'I mean... that was...um... nice.'

'Nice?' he arched an eyebrow, unsure whether nice was the glowing adjective he wanted. Her fiery blush assured him that it was,

'I...um...I felt...you know...it,' she turned even redder and downed the rest of her wine. 'Again I'm over sharing, I'm sorry. I'm feeling kinda drunk.'

'It?' his voice echoed in the room as he ignored her apology. She looked down breaking the eye contact.

'I don't know why...I mean I do love Dawson, I think I do. I mean he's very kind, but when I'm near you I feel... you make me feel things. I feel _alive_ I guess. Like my body just feels like...like...I think it's supposed too,' she looked back up and coughed uncomfortably, moving across to deposit her wine glass on the breakfast bar.

'Ok,' Pacey nodded unsure what to say or do.

'I don't know why but my body just seems to _crave_ you...I feel all crazy inside when you're close to me...and I know this is all wrong. Maybe Dawson thinks we're together, but I don't even know if I do. I just _don't know_. And we're roommates and more than that we're best friends, but I just..._crave you_,' her words slurred a little as she turned back to face him where he was still frozen in the kitchen. 'Am I wrong...I feel like maybe...maybe...you feel it too?'

'You're asking...' he broke off and coughed nervously, 'you're asking if I'm attracted to you?'

'Yes,' she nodded seemingly relieved that he understood what she was getting at.

'Then yes, I'm crazy attracted to you,' he decided to meet her honesty with honesty of his own spurned on by the loosening effect of the wine. 'Uncontrollably so.'

In the following silence Joey stood and got more wine before drinking it far too quickly.

'Maybe...' she began and trailed off biting her lower lip.

'Maybe?' he prompted.

'You could teach me...' she hesitated again and he frowned.

'Teach you?'

'I don't know maybe that's the wrong word, maybe this is a wrong idea, but I just thought that if I could feel it...with you, maybe I could...feel it in general... I need help. He said to get help.'

'I'm pretty sure he didn't mean from me.'

'But you could help me... you know...'

'You want me to make you come?' he asked bluntly, shocked, disappointed and yet still turned on.

'Pacey,' she protested his blunt language flushing wildly, her movements jerky and flustered as she picked up her cup and got more wine.

'Shouldn't that be Dawson's job?' he couldn't help a little bitterness.

'But he can't do it...I don't imagine he even wants to any more. It's been two months since he left...' she looked down, 'and what if it's me? What if I can't. Maybe without the pressure...of you know an expectant partner...maybe someone who knows what he's doing...'

'Isn't something like that going to blur all kinds of lines? Is it cheating?'

'No... It's not, it isn't...well I don't think it is. I feel like Dawson has made his feelings clear. He doesn't return my calls. That hurts. And if by some miracle he wants me and I still want him - won't he appreciate it if I can become normal?'

'Jo, you are normal,' he softened.

'I'm not. I'm really not, but when I'm with you, I feel like I could be...'

'Jo...I am experienced, and we're best friends... if we kiss... do other stuff, lines _will_ inevitably blur...'

'They won't Pacey. I won't let them,' she sounded so determined and he gave a wry chuckle wondering how she could be so oblivious to his love. Then again maybe she'd mistaken the signs of love as evidence of desire. Both were true after all. Maybe she mistook love as friendship, again, both were true. He didn't think she would be so cavalier with his heart if she truly recognized the truth.

'Can I think about it?' he asked and she nodded.

'Of course.'

* * *

There had been an awkward tension in the house for several days. Easy camaraderie had given way to a palpable tension of longing looks and uncomfortable conversation. As Pacey trudged home through an slushy snow storm that was sure to ensure Joey hours of work at the hospital, he almost wished he'd never kissed her, that he'd resisted the lure of the opportunity the mistletoe presented. However, the idea that he might get to touch her was evocative and an addictive daydream. Tied closely to the dream was the nightmarish reality that she thought she could be intimate with him and then just go back to Dawson, that she wouldn't feel anything for him.

He was the proverbial drowned rat as he pushed through his front door. Hanging up his sopping coat, kicking off his wet shoes, he appreciated that Joey had put the plastic out to protect the floor from the wet. He looked down at himself, at the way his shirt clung to his body with the icy rainwater and sniffed somewhat miserably. He missed his friend. He hated the awkward atmosphere. Hated it. Trudging up stairs in wet socks he headed straight for the bathroom. Pushing open the door he was met with a cloud of steam.

'Hey Jo,' he stated in a relaxed voice that belied his true emotions.

'Pacey you cretin I'm in the shower,' he could hear the panic in her voice.

'_Cretin_? Really Jo, cretin?' he played at jovial.

'Oh I'm sorry if my insult of choice offends you - actually I'm not, it was supposed to.'

'Oh I'm not offended, more amused. I don't think over ever been called a cretin...hmmm...' he pretended to think, 'umm no definitely not.'

'Why are you still in here?' she snarked.

'I'm wet. I'll damage the wooden floors anywhere else. I need to take my clothes off.'

'You cannot take your clothes off. I'm in here,' she was definitely panicking.

'Naked,' he pointed out easily.

'Pacey,' she yelped.

'You want me to kiss you, to touch you and yet you are protesting my being naked in the same room as you when we can't even see each other?'

He was met with silence. Total silence. Laughing somewhat bitterly to himself he began to tug his clothes off throwing them into the hamper.

'Pace,' her voice sounded clearer and he looked up to see her staring at his naked body with wide eyes, eyes that dropped down to his cock where all blood was currently headed. He knew somewhere in his brain where rational thought were still possible, that he had to stay calm, feign nonchalance.

'Joey,' he stated back, her eyes still lower than they should be. Her cheeks flushed adorably and she looked up at his eyes, then they dropped away and scanned his chest, her top teeth clamping down on her bottom lip, her eyes practically black. When she finally looked back up he arched his brows at her.

'I do want you to touch me,' she told him breathlessly. He could feel it too, the charged particles whipping between them, urging him to grab at her naked body, to touch it, lick it, fill it. He took a deep breath.

'You done?' he nodded at the shower and she bobbed her head. 'I need a shower - I smell like a ten hour shift at the restaurant. Go lie on my bed and I'll be there in five.'

She stared at him and then nodded. Reaching for her towel off of the hook she wrapped it around herself and stepped out of the tub, ending up next to him. Oh but fuck was she hard to resist. His hand reached out and curled into the nape of her neck his finger rubbing back and forth. Her eyes were wide as she stared at him apparently waiting for him to make the first move. Well he wasn't going to, not when he needed a shower. Moving past her he climbed into the tub and hidden by the shower curtain his hand moved to his throbbing cock.


	5. Chapter 5

**You guys are the best! Thanks for all the reviews - seriously - writing DC fanfiction you don't get many so every review really matters!**

**This chapter is all M - you've been warned. **

**Unfortunately tomorrow's post is not finished and I'm running out of time - wish me luck... **

**tab:-)**

**Chapter 5**

Wrapping a towel around his waist Pacey put on some deodorant and a bit of his usual aftershave and then stared at himself in the mirror. What he was about to do was undoubtably the stupidest thing he'd ever done. Especially loving Joey as he did. He supposed that love must be innately unselfish because he wanted her happiness above his own. This would apparently make her happy and he had no idea what the lasting damage might be to him. With a sigh that seemed to reverberate around the room he left the bathroom and stood before the door to his bedroom. He took several deep breaths and then took several more before pushing open the door. Joey was lying on her side on his bed facing the door, wearing his discarded tshirt from the day before.

'I was cold,' she stated a little defensiveness in her tone, her eyes flicking over him. He nodded and reached into his underwear drawer for clean boxers. Dropping his towel he pulled them on and then lay on the bed beside her, mirroring her position, both of them on their sides facing each other. He was very careful not to touch her but despite that, and despite his efforts in the bathroom to relieve a little tension, he was painfully hard.

For a long time they lay side by side, eyes locked on one another but not touching. Pacey, on occasion, could be a patient person and he was really hoping his patience would pay off this time.

'_Please_,' she whispered at length her tone heavy with need and he did a mental cheer. Carefully he moved closer to her, fitting his body up against hers, closer and closer until she could undoubtably feel the physical evidence of his desire pressed tightly against her, up against the heat at the apex of her thighs. Her breath hitched but he didn't move, didn't touch her, merely pressed his face against the curve of her neck, his lips whispering something that was nearly a kiss across the warm skin.

'Pace,' she moaned, a barely audible sound, a sound that made his cock throb and the sound of his blood pumping around his body get louder, but he had to make her want it, make her really, really want it. To stop over thinking and take it even. Infinitesimally he shifted, a delicious fraction of a movement of his hardness against her. That moan came again, her eyes fluttering shut and she shifted her body this time by instinct, the effect clearly pleasurable. Pacey was unable to contain his own deep groan and he kissed softly up her neck and across her chin until she moved her head, her lips colliding with his in a hot, open mouthed kiss, her tongue finding his. The kiss was heady, wild and uncontrolled. All distance between them evaporated as he rolled half on top of her, grinding up against her, listening to her heated breathing, feeling her body arch into his to achieve friction. He felt himself begin to lose control, to have lust and desire overtake his actions and all he could think was that kissing Joey was right. Lying in bed with Joey was right. Except of course it wasn't.

'_Fuck_,' he muttered breaking the kiss and stilling on top of her. He rested his forehead against hers.

'What?' she frowned, 'what did I do wrong?'

'Oh jeez Jo, nothing, God baby, nothing...' he pressed kisses to her cheeks, the endearment slipping out naturally, 'I just... I was getting carried away...'

'I liked it,' she murmured coyly, rising slightly against him.

'You did?' he felt ridiculously insecure with this girl, but then he had the fact that she had had several bad experiences and no successful ones weighing on him - that and his unrequited love.

'It felt good... Really good,' she wrapped her hands around his face and then leant up ever so slightly and kissed him again, a kiss that was immediately out of his control, his body resuming its thrust against hers desperate for release of any kind. He couldn't seem to get control of his hands and soon they were roaming up under his grey tshirt she'd decided to put on, skirting her bare thigh and finding purchase on the rounded curve of her chest, the soft flesh filling his palm and making him groan. The kiss became increasingly heated, her body arching to meet his,

'Pacey,' she mewled his name her hands dipping down the back of his boxers and driving him harder against her, as he clearly hit the necessary mark. Her breathing was ragged, as he squeezed and teased her chest, the kiss wildly passionate, until she gasped loudly, a staccato of moans as her whole body tensed and then released on a sigh.

'Oh my god Pacey,' she moaned into his neck, holding him as close as possible. He hadn't expected it to be that easy. He'd expected it to take work, that he'd have to help her relax, that she'd fret and over think it. But contrary to all her previous experiences it had been exceedingly easy. He couldn't keep the large, ridiculously sincere, grin from his face.

'And I wasn't even trying,' he mused glibly, wondering if he'd ever be able to stop kissing her and touching her now that he had been allowed.

'That was... I...' her eyes were shut and she looked positively ravished.

'I'm just going to consider you rendered speechless and take it it was good,' he smirked, his face pressed to her neck yet again.

'It was better than good. It was amazing. You're amazing. I think you must officially be the sexiest man alive,' she sounded giddy and Pacey couldn't resist a look at her giddy. He peeked up from his hidey hole and took in her flushed face, her mess of hair that was still wet from her shower. She was grinning impishly at him, all awkwardness gone.

'I told you that you're normal,' he teased and kissed her softly.

'Well that wasn't sex,' she smiled back. 'Or my hand... Or your hand...'

'But you did come,' he stated and she nodded with cheeks turning redder.

'I did which is some kind of miracle.'

'It's not a miracle,' he blushed and she laughed, kissing his cheeks,

'It is. Why has it never been so simple before? I can kind of understand all the fuss now,' she murmured and wriggled against him and then frowned.

'What?' he asked.

'I came and you didn't,' her brow furrowed.

'But this is about you, not me.'

'No...' She shook her head.

'Yes,' he insisted because there had to be a line somewhere and whilst he longed to feel her hands or her mouth on him, he felt that might be crossing the line.

'That doesn't seem fair,' she was still frowning.

'Believe me, I enjoyed that a lot. An awful lot. I can take care of myself.'

'I want to do it,' she stated boldly surprising him, especially as her hand began to edge to the front of his boxers. He put a hand on hers to hold it in place,

'You're with Dawson,' he said and she scowled, 'well you and Dawson is an unresolved situation. At this point you do that for him, not me,' he might not like it but it was the truth. She sobered slightly at that. After a moment of two he rolled off of her but pulled her close, not yet willing to relinquish the closeness. She seemed to feel the same because she curled up against him, pressing her lips to his chest occasionally.

'You know your little boxers are awfully cute,' she mused at length, her warm breath fanning across his chest. He was surprised by his own laugh,

'You're one to make fun of my underwear when you wear those thongs all the time - that's underwear gone up your butt in the extreme,' he teased and she laughed,

'Trust me a vpl in your scrubs is so _obvious_...'

'A what?' he shimmied down the bed a little so he could press his face into her tshirt covered chest.

'A visible pantie line,' she explained and he laughed.

'My boxer briefs are in part for that reason.'

'And what's the other reason?' she giggled.

'I um...' his cheeks burned, 'I get hard in the loose boxers, they rub and well...'

'Your underwear turns you on?' Her giggle turned into a belly laugh.

'Oh shut it you,' he grumbled.

'Ok, ok...I'll admit the other reason I wear a thong...'

'Go on?' he ran a hand up under her tshirt to rest in the hollow above her hip. She sighed slightly,

'If regular panties go up your bum it is impossible to retrieve them wearing scrubs, or you know when you're in an emergency situation. I learnt that the hard way,' she smiled and he laughed loudly, but then the atmosphere altered as his fingers danced circles on her skin. His hand trailed across her stomach, up and down, exploring the smooth flat skin, tracing her belly button. He held her eyes which were wide, the hazel nearly obscured by the black of her pupils.

'Give me your hand,' he murmured and her hand landed beside his on the flat of her stomach. He placed his hand on hers and guided her hand lower until it brushed between her legs. She jolted and moaned softly. He did it again, this time running her finger and his across the warm wetness between her legs.

'Pacey,' she moaned his name. He did it again but pushed her finger and his inside of her, shifting so he was closer, so she could feel how turned on he was. Using his hand he curled her thumb under his and pressed down until with each movement in and out of her body her thumb rubbed on her clit, under the weight of her palm. The effect was instantaneous and utterly gratifying, as she writhed under their hands, and then at length came undone, crying out much more loudly than the first time, her body tightening around his finger and hers and then slumping into him as their hands fell from inside her. Her hand turned and her fingers threaded through his, and then she turned and kissed him and kissed him so thoroughly he found himself rolling on top of her.

'I think I could stay in bed with you forever,' she murmured into his chest.

'Hmmm, you can stay for the night,' he whispered into her ear and together they pushed back the covers and clambered under. Joey nestled back into his chest and then looked up at him,

'This is ok, right? I mean maybe you don't like to hug? Normally I don't hug but I can't not, not after that...but if you don't like it I'll just be close for a moment and then I'll go. I mean I can go back to my room...'

'Don't go anywhere,' he tightened his hold. 'Please stay right where you are.'

'Ok,' she sighed and he watched her eyes close. He was so screwed. Definitely the dumbest, best thing he'd ever done.

* * *

Pacey shifted from sleep and was immediately aware of Joey pressed up against him. Whatever the covers hid, he could feel her nakedness on his thigh, clearly the tshirt she wore had ridden up. He was painfully hard. In fact he wondered whether he'd had an erection for most of the night because he couldn't recall the feeling of clawing desire dissipating at any point. There was a good chance he had been turned on all night and he definitely needed to do something about it. He needed to take action he decided, and he needed to see Joey come one more time before it was all over. Reaching over to his bedside table he grabbed a breath mint and popped it in his mouth allowing the small mint to dissolve on his tongue. Then he shifted slightly, moving until he was pressed against the bare nakedness of her as he pressed his lips to her neck, his hands carving a path up her sides. As he felt her stir he said a little prayer that this would all be ok. Her eyes opened and she looked at him. He stared into those eyes of hers and watched the pupils dilate. He felt like singing but instead gave her a smile, a smile she returned before he pressed his lips to hers.

'No, no,' she stated pushing him away and he froze.

'No?' his heart sank as he moved his hands quickly away from her,

'I want a mint too,' she said quickly with quirked a brow usimg her hands to halt his body's movement away from her and he laughed before reaching back to his bedside table and retrieving a mint. He popped it in her mouth and after a second she attacked his lips, pulling him more fully on top of her until his body was slotted between her thighs and he was rocking against her and feeling about ready to explode in seconds.

'Like that,' she moaned into a kiss and then gasped as his fingers tweaked at her nipple, her body bucking up into his and her hands clawing at his boxers, half pushing them down so her hand was on his bare ass.

'Oh god Jo,' he groaned, 'I'm gonna come and fuck but I want to see your face again as you come,' he tried to create as much friction as possible, claiming her mouth in a searing kiss until she groaned her body stilling tensely for a few moments, her lips parted, her eyes closed, and then she was dropping back to the mattress soporifically. One more movement against her and he groaned, coming for an impossibly long time.

'Well I'm glad that was a little more equal. And so much fun,' she turned into his side after he rolled off of her, kissing his chest.

'So much fun,' he echoed.

'I have to move but I just don't want to. Though I slept better last night than I have in ages,' she smiled at him.

'Well an orgasm will do that,' he smiled back.

'Actually I think it was your mattress. So much nicer than the one on my bed,' she gave him a cheeky smile and so he tickled her.

'Uncle,' she yelled after squealing and fighting him ineffectually for thirty seconds.

'Ok,' he said easily pulling her back up against him.

'I have to go,' she stated again.

'When are you due in?' he asked and she angled his watch toward her,

'Crap. In like half an hour.'

'Ok. I'll get coffee and breakfast, you brush your teeth and dress and I'll drive you.'

'You're the best Pace,' she looked at him adoringly. 'I wish I could spend all day in bed with you.'

'Me too,' he told her honestly and she kissed him, breaking it a couple of minutes later.

'Ok, ok, I'm moving,' she sighed, sitting up and then getting out of bed.

'Well one sec Jo,' Pacey halted her.

'What?' she turned back looking confused.

'I'll be needing my tshirt,' he smirked.

'This tshirt?' she plucked at the tshirt dismissively.

'That tshirt,' he nodded.

'I suppose it is yours,' she sighed dramatically and peeled the tshirt slowly from her body.

'Fuck,' it was the only word Pacey could manage as she exposed herself to him. She looked at him hesitantly for a second but he grinned and held out a hand for the shirt, 'and no throwing it - it's a favourite,' he stated boldly. Slowly she walked toward him, all long legs, perfect boobs, and _God_, between her legs. He was so hard. 'Right here,' he waggled a finger and watched as she crawled across the bed and over his body,

'Next time you can get it yourself you sexist bastard,' she scolded.

'Next time?' he gave her a lazy smile, his hands covering her ass, running over the smooth skin, a finger grazing between her legs.

'Pacey,' she protested with a whine and then a soft exhale which was more of a whimper than a breath. 'I have to go,' she sunk against him.

'Hmmm,' he agreed pulling her down against himself and kissing her. 'Soon.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Merry Christmas all. I hope you're all having a wonderful day. The kids are watching Star Wars so I've had a moment to post this. I realised yesterday that I have an extra chapter, so tomorrow will hopefully be the final part but I may need to split it into two. **

**Thank you for the reviews, especially on Christmas. I love reviews:-)**

**Tab :-)**

**Chapter 6**

Pacey was in the kitchen with Jack making a coffee cake. He wasn't entirely sure why he was making a cake, but he'd been in a good mood all day and good moods always resulted in him baking. He knew the cause of his good mood and smiled widely every time he thought about it.

'What is with you man? You're disgustingly cheerful,' Jack gave him a scornful look.

'Just been a good couple of days,' Pacey cracked an egg and beat it into the mixture with his wooden spoon.

'Anything to do with all the damn mistletoe scattered around this place?' Jack asked astutely.

'Who have you been talking to?' Pacey gave him a look but lacked any inclination to make it serious,

'I may have heard Joey talking to Jen. Does this mean we can get rid of the _douche_?'

'Not exactly, and that _douche_ is one of my best friends,' Pacey rolled his eyes.

'Joey didn't seem to be thinking about the _douche_ much,' Jack murmured with an impish smile, 'just sayin' is all,' he shrugged and grinned at Pacey's obvious interest.

'So what did she say?'

'Just that you kissed her under the mistletoe.'

'That's it?' Pacey was incredibly disappointed.

'Maybe...' _Clearly not._

'Jack!'

'Well I'm under the mistletoe...' he teased.

'Fine,' Pacey marched around to the other side of the breakfast bar and planted a kiss on Jack's mouth, 'now what else did she say?'

'Hmmm, something about you being sexy,' Jack stated and then smiled again, 'and I agree. She said you were a good kisser which I may need a little more to go on,' he looked at Pacey and arched his brows.

'Sorry buddy, though I'm pretty sure my brother is into you,' Pacey gave an exaggerated wink.

'And I'm into your brother,' Jack concurred.

'And Joey said...'

'Well at first it was just that and a lot of elaborate hand gestures, and then she came in during my shift today for the start of hers and it was like she was happy. Not Joey happy either but cloud 9 happy and when Jen called her on it she grinned and said "_blame Pacey_." Did you sleep with her because I'm not going to have you as my best friend if you sleep with my boyfriend.'

'Ok, firstly I'm an awesome best friend...I mean ask Joey,' he gave a cocky grin. 'Secondly, my brother might as well be your boyfriend and I've slept with him a ton of times just in bunk beds rather than in the kinky way.'

'I'm glad,' Jack laughed,

'Thirdly, Joey is only sort of with my best friend, but really who are we kidding after no contact for two months? It's over. I hope. And fourthly, no I didn't sleep with Joey. Well I slept with her but we didn't have sex.'

'She said to Jen that you're "_the sexiest man alive_" and that you can "_make a girl come just by looking at her,_"' Jack used his fingers to make the necessary quotes obvious.

'Really?' he might as well have been a chuffed puppy sticking out his chest.

'That's what I said,' Jack quipped.

'Oh hardy harr.'

'I think she's mad for you.'

'I think she's mad for my body and the effect it has on hers,' Pacey frowned slightly and resumed mixing his cake.

'You're her best friend. I know she tells me stuff and I know she tells Jen stuff, but _you_ she tells _everything_.'

'And yet she's still with Dawson emotionally, well in a way, I mean not that we know if he's still with her,' his frown grew. 'I find the whole thing weird. Why doesn't he just dump the girl or be with her properly. What's with all this space business? And what's with her letting him get away with treating her like this?'

'Maybe... I mean maybe, he's like a security blanket. No risk with you if she's with him and so she won't quite let it go? She gets to explore things with you, but with out any true risk to your awesome friendship or your awesome living situation?'

'Maybe,' Pacey shrugged thinking it over. It was possible. He liked it as a possibility. 'And to clarify I didn't make her come just by looking at her,' he gave one of those smiles he'd been unable to keep off of his face all day. Jack grinned in return.

'So how is she squaring this hooking up, or whatever you want to call it, with having the sorta boyfriend?' Jack frowned.

'He kinda told her to "_get help_,"' Pacey shrugged.

'Huh?'

'Dawson can't make it work in the bedroom and he blames her. She blames herself too,' Pacey said, hissing the last words at the sound of the front door slamming echoed through the house. His eyes immediately moved to the entrance to the living room as she entered, she dumped her bag on the armchair and moved through the house stopping between the living room and dining room. His eyes flittered to the sprig of mistletoe in the doorway. The mistletoe she was stood right under. She smiled at him,

'Hey boys,' she sang softly, her eyes locked on Pacey's. His heart began a furious hammering and he took a step towards her. And she stared at him too, and she smiled, that soft sexy smiled of hers, that smile he felt was just for him. He smiled back until they were grinning at one another like inane idiots.

'You know what Potter?' he asked stepping again in her direction.

'What?' She arched a brow.

'You should be more careful,' he continued to walk toward her.

'And how's that?'

'You keep standing under that pesky mistletoe and you know, it's bad luck not to be kissed.'

'It is?' she smirked.

'Terrible luck,' he nodded seriously.

'Well maybe Jack could do the honours, you know, to ward off any christmas time curses.'

'Jack?' he gave her a sceptical look stopping right in front of her. 'It seems a shame to drag Jack _all_ the way over here when I'm here already,' his badly behaved hand had somehow landed on her waist.

'It does, doesn't it?' her eyes fluttered and then, instigated by who knew who, they were kissing, hotly and wildly, every sensible thought gone from Pacey's brain. He was insanely turned on and his entire brain function was focussed on one thing - Joey.

'Huh hmmm,' Jacks third, loud, cough broke through the haze and their lips parted. Pacey sheepishly pulled his hand from up her sweater, and Joey removed hers from down the back of his pants. Jack gave them the widest smile.

'The girl was under the mistletoe,' Pacey shrugged nonchalantly shooting Joey a wink. 'You wanna come hang out?' he asked her gently.

'Sure, I'm going to shower then I'll be down,' she gave him a bashful nod.

'Good,' he caught her hand and squeezed it. 'It's always more fun when you're around.'

'Hey,' Jack admonished.

'It's true,' Pacey shrugged moving back to his cake and poured the mixture into a tin.

'You are the dumbest man alive,' Jack muttered as Joey's steps faded away.

'Oh, I know.'

* * *

All the awkward tension that had existed throughout the house after Pacey very first kissed Joey under the mistletoe was gone. Only now the entire house was filled with sexual tension so obvious Jack felt quite comfortable teasing them about it as they played cards and chattered.

'Lay one on me,' Jack stated asking for another card and then smirked, 'that's if you can resist laying one on her,' he waggled his eyebrows at Joey.

'You know what Jack? I think maybe it's time you went home,' Joey tilted her head sympathetically.

'Why? So Pacey can rub his hand all over your bare leg in private?' Jack grinned as Pacey reluctantly removed his hand from her thigh.

'You're on in 6 hours. I think it would be neglectful to not get a proper sleep,' Joey looked at him innocently.

'Would it now?'

'Yes, I think so.'

'She's right man,' Pacey backed the girl up.

'Oh, in that case I should go,' Jack grinned widely looking quite amused.

'Yeah, I'm kind of tired too,' Pacey yawned dramatically, and laughing Jack headed out, tossing light hearted innuendo ridden comments in his wake.

Pacey looked at Joey and smiled. She flushed a delightful red and looked down.

'That cake was delicious,' she said at length getting up and gathering beer bottles for the recycling.

'Hmmm, I felt in the mood to bake,' he shrugged clearing the plates to the dishwasher. He frowned because the awkward variety of tension was back. _What now_, he asked himself? He'd made her come, proven her normal, really she didn't need him, not if what they were doing was practice and not sort of cheating, or not all for another guy at the least. Pacey didn't believe in cheating and given what Joey had told him about her father, he was pretty certain that she didn't approve either. That realization made his heart ache, because it emphasized how she saw their interlude the night before. It wasn't connected to feelings for him, it was practice, practice so she could sleep with Dawson. If she considered her relationship to Dawson over, then he could hope, but he didn't know and neither did she. If it was practice because Dawson was who she wanted - even after his awful behaviour, how was he supposed to feel? Dawson hadn't ended things, but he'd been so distant that Pacey didn't think Joey was cheating, but if she wanted him back then what they'd been doing was literally just practice and that hurt. He didn't want it to be about helping her, he wanted it to be about him and her and being together. His thoughts were jumbled and confused. He slammed the dishwasher shut,

'I'm heading to bed. Sleep well,' he murmured without making eye contact and headed up the stairs. He showered, brushed his teeth and feeling suddely deflated and depressed headed into his room. He'd learnt with Sophie that love like this was a bad idea. After losing his beloved niece, being in the hospital had given him a lot of time to make vows, vows to never put his heart in such a position again. He swore off relationships, he vowed to never have children, he didn't think his heart could cope with a second shock. Then Joey had waltzed into his life and into his home, and then of course into every atom of his being. His head and his heart were full of her and he felt the same vulnerability he had after he lost Sophie. He felt that Joey was worth the risk, every second with Sophie had been worth the agony of her loss. He didn't doubt the same was true of a Joey, he just wasn't sure what shape he'd be in by the end. Losing Sophie nearly killed him, sending into a spiral of depression and self loathing that he'd worked incredibly hard to escape. Joey warmed the hollows he had inside.

He'd been sat in bed contemplating life for only five minutes when there was a soft tap on the door.

'What's up Jo?' he called without moving still undecided about what he was doing when he came to her. Really he knew, he'd do whatever she wanted because he loved her and that was how he worked.

'Can I come in?' she asked, her voice soft and hesitant.

'Sure,' he closed his book as she entered, shifting from foot to foot in the doorway.

'Are you mad at me?' she asked at length clearly nervous.

'Mad at you? Not at all,' he told her honestly.

'It's just that after Jack left you got all cold, all distant...'

'Why would I be mad at you?' he asked with a smile and she took a hesitant step into the room.

'Because I made you kiss and touch me, and maybe I didn't consider that you might not really want to?'

'Oh I wanted to,' he said boldly and she bit her lip.

'I want to touch you too,' the words tumbled out. 'I want to touch you all over, touch you like you touched me and that's scary because I've never felt like that,' she rushed the words but didn't break eye contact.

'Well I know _you_, so I know how that feels.'

'You want to touch me too?' she asked, her hands worrying each other.

'I do. But you're with Dawson - aren't you?' he shrugged, sick to death of the mans name, sick to death of his game playing, of his stupid existence.

'Am I?' she frowned uncertainly.

'I don't think the situation between you is clear enough. You still feel tied to him. You're still with him emotionally, at least in some way. That's what you've said and if that's true then there's a line.'

'You touched me yesterday,' she attempted and Pacey wondered how much more his wounded soul could take.

'You asked me for help,' he said simply, 'outside of that you're not mine to touch and that's whether you're together or not. Dawson wouldn't forgive me for touching his ex girlfriend. I know him.'

'But you kissed me,' she protested, her eyes glassy, 'when I came home.'

'You were under the mistletoe,' he defended.

'Oh,' she backed out looking unsure and he couldn't stand it.

'Joey,' he called after her, she looked up hopefully.

'Yes?'

'You're my best friend,' he shook his head. 'I can't fuck up that.'

'I know,' she hesitated and stared at him. 'I promise nothing can ruin that. But Pace...' she was looking at him, head tilted to one side and he knew he must be looking at her with unadulterated longing. He wanted her so badly.

'Yeah?'

'I think I might need more... practice?' she shifted from foot to foot, her eyes dangerously dark. 'More... help.'

'You do?' he gave her a frown but his body reacted despite his minds best attempts to remain noble and he was pretty sure she could see that.

'Yes,' she nodded and licked her lips. 'I know the situation is weird, but...' she sighed and he saw the honest vulnerability.

'But?' he encouraged, his eyes raking over her.

'I'm getting somewhere. Yesterday, for the first time in my life I enjoyed what other people take for granted. There's something between us Pace - our bodies...they work together... and I'm so... relieved,' she stared at him , 'so please...can I stay? Can... can I please?' and she stared at him. After a moment, almost imperceptibly he nodded. She gave him a small nervous smile and then with shaking hands pulled at the belt of her dressing gown and let it slip off her shoulders. She looked down uncertainly at her panties and tank and then shimmied out of her panties and peeled off her tank until she was naked. Beautifully, gloriously naked and staring at him with half lidded eyes and teeth biting her plump bottom lip.

'Fuck,' he muttered the curse word yet again, his hands itching to touch her. 'Come 'ere,' he urged. Cautiously she climbed onto the bed looking apprehensive but he merely opened his arms to her and drew her up against his bare chest. She made a soft noise, almost like a purr, that soothed him inside because whatever she wanted to think, this couldn't be all about practice, about getting help. At least he really hoped it wasn't. His hand ran down her bare spine, fingers tracing the bumps until they reached the smooth curve of her bottom, rising up in soft, curved, deliciousness. He groaned, a deep wretched sound of wanting. She responded to his groan, her body arching into his, feeding off his desire. With an inhuman willpower he didn't know he possessed he pulled his hands from her, the warm, wetness between her legs rubbing against his thigh possibly the biggest turn on of his life and yet he shifted away.

'Please touch me,' she complained with a moan.

'I wanna watch you touch yourself,' he practically begged, his eyes trailing over the naked form of her in his bed, lingering between her legs. His tongue darted out to lick his lips.

'Will you help me?' she asked and he nodded and pulled her so she was sitting on his lap, her butt on his significant hard on, her legs in front of them, hers lying between his, her bare back to his chest. It was strange, he though wryly, that not having sex could be more erotic than having sex. His right hand rested on her flat stomach whilst he took hold of her left hand with his, ghosting it up her ribs to cup her boob, he squeezed a little because even though her hand was beneath his, he was aware he had the control. Her moan fed his lust and like before he used his other hand to guide hers between her legs, his thumb rubbing hers against her clit, shifting her bottom so his hard length was under the naked heat, and with each plunge of her finger and his inside of her, she shifted and the effect of her nakedness running over him was incredible.

'Pacey,' his name on her lips was a breathy moan, her head thrown back and turned so her hot breath fanned across his neck. It was too much. It was all too much and with a near feral groan he pushed her hand aside and put his there in its place, pushing one and then two fingers into her, his thumb claiming her clit as its own, his hips lifting with a small thrust against her behind, his other hand releasing hers, pushing it aside and then claiming the soft pliant flesh as his. He turned his head and found her lips waiting for him. Within moments her body was arching into his hand, her breath short and shallow until she came loudly, calling his name -_ his name_ \- her whole body curving away from his, before she collapsed in shattered mess back on top of him. He pressed a kiss to her head and wrapped his arms possessively around her, leaning forward to pull his duvet over them.

'You got a little handsy,' she said at length clearly amused, 'and your hand is sooo much better than mine,' her face turned and she pressed a sloppy kiss to his neck.

'Yeah...' he murmured bashfully. 'I got a little...um... needy. You're too sexy...'

'It made me feel really good,' she told him, 'it turns me on to know that I turn you on.'

'You really turn me on,' he breathed into her ear, unable to resist nipping the lobe.

'Mmmm,' she moaned and shifted off of him turning before her hands were trailing down his stomach and tugging his boxers over his hips until he sprung free.

'Joey,' he protested.

'Please Pacey,' she begged and the sight of her looking up at him with pleading eyes had him giving a quick nod. Without hesitation she took him in her hand, the soft coolness contrasting with the heat. His whole body arched into her touch, a muttered expletive passing his lips. Apparently Joey was very at home with this type of sexual behaviour, her mouth descending on him to wreak complete havoc with his nervous system. It felt quite honestly divine, and he was wound up so tight with unspent desire that he came undone relatively quickly.

'I'm going to come,' he tried to warn, his voice rasping as his fingers threaded through her hair. She didn't stop though, didn't pull back and when he came it was a beautiful, blissful orgasm, his hips jerking toward her, her mouth still hot around him, his whole body searing with warmth and pleasure. His head fell against the headboard, and he felt rather than saw her swallow. He felt the soft kiss she gave to him, before she scooted up the bed and rested her head against his chest. His arm wrapped around her, securing her tightly to him.

'You're...um... rather good at that,' his voice was barely above a whisper. She laughed softly,

'Well I'm not much fun if I can't do anything,' she admitted.

'You're always fun to talk to,' he kissed her head, 'and to look at,' he added and smirked at her when she looked up at him.

'Can I sleep here?' she asked tentatively and he rejoiced inwardly at a second night with her in his bed, his orgasm draining his earlier concerns away, at least for the time being.

'Please,' he murmured into her hair as he shuffled down to lie beside her.

* * *

Pacey was woken by something soft against his cheek. It took him a couple of moments to realise Joey was placing soft, butterfly kisses there. When his eyelids fluttered open she smiled and pressed a mint between his lips before rolling on top of him and kissing him. His hand moved to the nape of her neck, holding her in place, relishing in the feel of her still entirely naked body on top of his, especially with the way she was moving against his turned on self.

'Pace,' it sounded like a question, so he opened his lust closed eyes and looked at her.

'What's up?'

'Well...' she turned bright red and his brow furrowed.

'Well what?'

'I...there was this guy back home when I was a teenager. He was the nearest I had to a friend and I thought I was in love with him. I thought he was so gorgeous. So when he asked me out I said yes. He took me on a few really nice dates. It wasn't even like were together and then he convinced me to sleep with him, except when it came to it...it just didn't work.'

'Joey,' he began to feel panicked, an inkling of what she might be asking taking root.

'And then there was this guy at med school. I was out with friends and we were all drunk after some big exam. This guy, he was on the course and we started kissing and whatever. He just expected it and I thought why not? I mean why not, but I freaked out. I mean I didn't feel it and when he tried to you know it just hurt. And then with Dawson.'

'Don't ask,' he shook his head.

'Pacey I want you to have sex with me,' she looked entirely innocent. 'Please.'

'Jo, come here,' he patted the space beside him and she reluctantly moved off of him and into the space. 'I don't think you have any idea quite how much I want to sleep with you, you probably wouldn't ask if you did. But I feel like it's crossing a line,' he tucked a strand of errant hair behind her ear.

'But I don't think I can ever have sex with Dawson or anyone, not if I haven't...' she trailed off, despair written on her face.

'But don't you get it? I don't want to have sex with you so you can have sex with Dawson.'

'I've been thinking about Dawson and I just don't think I want...' she began but he cut her off,

'I don't want to have sex with you so you can go and have sex with anyone else. I don't want you to have sex with anyone else. Ever.'

'I don't understand,' she looked down at the bed sheets.

'You know for a bright girl you can be really daft sometimes,' he muttered.

'Pacey,' she actually sounded irritated and he nearly laughed, if only it weren't all such a pile of horse shit. It was another now or never moment and he seized the now.

'I want to have sex with you. Then I want to have sex with you again and again, and not so you can go off and have sex with another guy, but because I love you. And if I have sex with you, I want you to want to have sex with me again and again because I want you to love me too. So you see I can't help anymore. It isn't just practice, it's a whole lot more, for me anyway. I'm not asking anything from you. I'm not asking you to choose, but it's christmas and well not saying anything - that just isn't who I am.'

'You love me?' she echoed, her eyes wide.

'I'm in love with you, in love with every bit of you, the argumentative feminist, the sassy drunk, the medical professional, the goofy friend I eat pizza on the sofa with. I love the way you're oblivious to anything but coffee and chocolate when you're stressed and how you roll your eyes when something's obvious or bite your lip when you're nervous. You're so freakin' moralistic but I love that too. You give me goddamned butterflies.'

'Pacey,' her voice was soft, almost pleading and so he looked at her.

'It's ok, you're in a confusing situation. With my best friend. I get that. But I can't help you,' with a wretched look over her naked form sat next to him, he turned abruptly and got out of bed. 'I mean...I really... I can't. You should go,' he smiled kindly and leaning over ran a thumb along her cheek, and then like the coward he'd always seen himself as he practically ran from his room and into the bathroom.

* * *

Joey had left his room by the time he got out of the bathroom. He heard her shower and leave for the hospital as he hid in his bedroom, feeling depressed and pathetic. He wouldn't see Joey now until the end of her shift the next day, a few hours before their part. He so didn't want a party.

Work was incredibly busy which he decided was lucky since he was entirely preoccupied by thoughts of Joey, emotional and physical. He was a bit of a mess, in truth, unable to properly cook, serve or manage, but it was his restaurant so no one called him on it, his staff merely picked up the slack. It was toward the end of his late shift when Jen came in, hauling herself up onto a barstool.

'Hey,' he gave her a half hearted smile.

'You broke Joey,' Jen stated with a frown as he poured her a glass of wine.

'I think you'll find she broke me.'

'Ok I'll give you the oblivious thing. Joey hadn't got a clue you were in love with her when anybody could have told her that. In fact, Jack and I did because come on?'

'This isn't helping,' he scowled.

'Pacey you shocked her.'

'So what do you suggest I do? Avoid her? I've managed that since I ran away like an idiot but it's not gonna be easy to continue considering we live together.'

'I'm not saying avoid her,' Jen interrupted. 'For gods sake, please don't avoid her.'

'Well I wasn't really planning on continuing with that strategy, after all we're throwing a party together tomorrow night.'

'Pacey, stop being bitter,' Jen ordered. 'Firstly, you didn't even give her a chance to think or respond. Secondly, I think she's already yours but if for any reason she hesitates then fight for her. I don't think it's a coincidence that you're her best friend and the one man she thinks is most attractive in all the world. She wants you more than her sortof dickhead boyfriend.'

'So fight for her?'

'And give her a bit of time. Just because it takes her a while to realize how she feels, doesn't mean she doesn't feel it.'

'Ok,' he nodded feeling a glimmer of hope, 'yeah, you're right.'

'Could you steal a girl from your best friend?' Jen arched a brow.

'Normally no,' he shook his head, 'but Joey isn't just any girl.'

'Good,' Jen smiled, seemingly satisfied.

'I'm not going to see her until a few hours before the party?'

'Well make it a good reunion,' Jen suggested.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi All,**

**I'm sorry this is late - it has been torture trying to post it. Doc manager will only save if I post a paragraph at a time and loses all italics etc. **

**thank you for reviews - please keep them coming, they made me persevere tonight even though I felt like screaming;-)**

**Tab :-)**

**Chapter 7**

The house looked damn good and by his own admittance. He'd been working on it for a couple of hours when he heard Joey come in at around 11. He'd cleaned and scrubbed, rearranged furniture for more space, baked, and stocked up on wine and beer. He'd put candles along the the mantle above the fire and laid the fire ready to light. It looked pretty damn awesome and he hoped Joey would like it. As he heard her in the hall hanging up her coat he moved to the living room entrance and waited, keen that she shouldn't escape without facing him. She looked tired as she came into view but gave him a small smile.

'Hi,' he said.

'Hi,' she looked into the room behind him. 'It all looks great Pacey. What do you need me to do?'

'Get some rest,' he offered kindly.

'I want to help,' she insisted.

'It's all done.'

'You're amazing,' she stated and Pacey literally felt the charge grow around them. It was quite ridiculous. She stared at him and he couldn't seem to tear his eyes from her, only look at her longingly, wondering what she would do with all the love he had given her. 'Pace?'

'Yeah?' his voice was deep, a husky quality to it he tried to cough away.

'Apparently it's bad luck to stand under mistletoe and not be kissed,' she half whispered the words.

'I made that up,' he told her.

'So I'm making it up too,' she stepped up right into his body space and he had absolutely no will power, not to move even an inch. 'Pacey,' she pleaded her hands seeking the warm skin at his waist causing him to suck in a breath. Her lips ghosted across his neck, across his cheek until they claimed his. He tried to resist kissing her back, but even though his heart felt wretched the deep groan that vibrated in the kiss between them was encouragement enough to Joey. Her hands that had rested at his hips snuck up, tracing the muscles of his stomach, the ribs and the warmth of his back. It felt divine. Her cool fingers exploring his body, ghosting over his heated skin and tracking ribs, all whilst her mouth explored his. He wanted this so much but not for practice, not because of mistletoe and not if she was still with Dawson, even in the ambiguous way she was. He stopped returning her kiss, his hands finding hers and stilling their movement.

'You should get some sleep,' he told her.

'But I want ...' she began but he shook his head,

'Jo, I know what I want. But I don't want it if you're not sure it's what you want. I can't... I just can't,' he sighed with fatigue. 'I'm sorry. This was supposed to be fun. The party and everything.'

'I need you Pacey,' she whispered and his heart broke because need and want were not the same thing, 'will you sleep with me, please?' she looked at him and his expression which explained his interpretation, 'I mean sleep. Not anything else. You don't even have to kiss me, but I need to be close to my best friend.'

'Ok,' he felt that he must be a glutton for punishment. But she needed him and that need fed his hope. 'I'll make sure we're set down here and then I'll come up.' How did Jen exactly propose he fight for this girl? He was giving her all of himself, but he couldn't make her love him.

'I'll shower,' she murmured and rested her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. 'I'm sorry... I just need you.'

'I want you to want me,' he whispered to her retreating form, but he didn't think she heard.

* * *

She came to him in his room again, and he hoped it meant something - that she was coming to him. She was wearing a vest and some underpants, not the thongs they'd joked about but the regular kind, both black.

'That's what you sleep in?' he croaked.

'I slept in less last time,' she shrugged and moved to the edge of the bed. He flicked back the covers and she climbed in beside him. He expected her to stay on her side but she didn't do that. She crawled as close to him as possible, her cheek resting on his chest, her legs tangling with his and her arm and hand clamping around his waist. She pressed warm, wet, intermittent kisses to his chest.

'Joey...'he tried to protest.

'I know...but _please_...' her voice was so beseechingly needy that he caved. Pacey lay with her in his bed, her body draped over his smelling of cocoa butter and strawberries, and whatever else she'd used in the shower wondering how he'd ended up protecting his heart so poorly, falling in love with this girl who may never love him back. 'Pace...'

'Hmmm?' he'd been holding her against himself and he released her a little, meeting her eyes as she looked up at him,

'You're gonna tell Dawson...you know...what you told me?' her voice was small and worried.

'You mean that I love you?' he asked boldly, surprised by his daring. He adored the blush that stained her cheeks, the bashful way her eyes looked down.

'Yes.'

'Dawson has treated you badly, I'm sorry Jo, but he has. I learnt long ago that you hold on tight to those you love and he's so sure of himself that he loves you and ignores you? I hate not speaking to you for a day. Hate it,' he trailed off hating this. Jen had said fight - maybe this was how he could fight - just loving her and wanting her more.

'So you'll tell him?'

'Yes I'll tell him. I want him to know because whether or not you want me back, I want you and he deserves to know that, especially if you... if you...guys are together.'

'Pace,' she murmured his name and curled tightly into him, pressing small kisses to his chest. He wrapped his arm tightly around her. 'I've set the alarm for four hours. That should give us enough time. You sleep,' he told her softly.

'Hmmm,' she murmured sleepily, the kisses ceasing as she apparently fell asleep.

* * *

Pacey woke up to an incessant ringing of his doorbell. Someone clearly thought they were home and was holding a finger to the buzzer. Rubbing sleep out of his eyes he pressed a kiss to Joey's cheek. It was the wrong thing to do but then so much of what they were doing these days was wrong. He had to end it all and he knew it. As much as he loved her, and he didn't doubt that it was love, well it was only going to lead to pain and heartache to blur the lines as they kept doing. Pulling on his jeans and a tshirt he looked indulgently at Joey sleeping in his bed, curled into the warmth of the space he'd just vacated. At the continued ringing he jogged down the stairs and pulled open the front door.

'I knew you were here!' Dawson exclaimed triumphantly from the other side, snow in his hair and a bottle of wine in his hand. 'I thought I would surprise you guys. Well Joey really.'

Pacey stared at him, struck dumb because of course Dawson was here for Joey, that was the way his life worked. Golden boy was here and with the shine coming off of him Pacey would fade back into the shadows. He felt sick, like he might hurl all over his best friend, his oblivious, idiot, arrogant best friend who didn't know Pacey had kissed and touched and worst of all loved his sorta girlfriend.

'Are you ok Pacey? You look like you've seen a ghost?'

'No...um..I'm ok...I just, uh, woke up,' Pacey stated, the image of Joey lying in his bed burning across his retina's as his eyes fell shut, the feel of her naked skin on his so real it was as if she were wrapped around him.

'Is Joey here?' Dawson moved past Pacey into the entrance of the house and removed his jacket.

'I...uh... don't know,' Pacey stumbled over his words because they were lies.

'I'll go see,' Dawson chuckled. 'Maybe you should go back to bed?'

'Yeah...I might,' he said and then Dawson's obliviousness seeped into his sleepy brain, 'and no Dawson, you can't go see. Man, you haven't contacted her in months. I mean it has been literally months.'

'I wanted to give her space. We agreed she needed to work on things.'

'I think she expected you to call,' Pacey attempted. 'I'm not sure how she even views your relationship anymore.'

'And what's our relationship to you?' Dawson challenged, though the shrug that accompanied it was lighthearted.

'I'm just saying that two months is a long time to ignore a long distance love and you can't just assume...'

'She'll be pleased to see me, you'll see,' he interrupted confidently and Pacey thought he might hate him.

'Well I'll send her down if she's here,' he stated again, 'Maybe you could make a pot of coffee?'

'Sure,' Dawson smiled easily. 'Wow...it looks great in here. Are you guys having a party?'

'Yeah tonight. Her lot and my lot.'

'So I arrived at the perfect time?' Dawson grinned.

'I don't think you can expect to pick up where you left off,' Pacey couldn't bring himself to match Dawson's light emotions.

'I'm not expecting that, but I know Joey. She'll understand.'

'If you're sure,' Pacey sighed.

'You're withholding something,' Dawson stared at his friend, 'I know you Pacey. What is it?'

'You really wanna know?' Pacey shook his head. 'Jo is amazing. Not only is she a freakin' goddess, but she's sweet and kind and she's really funny. She's ridiculously passionate about just everything, but still kind of nervous, like she thinks people aren't going to listen to her opinion, or might call her out. You sent your girlfriend to stay with me Dawson.'

'My girlfriend,' Dawson emphasized, a cold look on his face.

'Just about the only girl in the world who could creep into my damaged heart, who could entwine herself into my damaged soul.'

'What bullshit is this?'

'Sophie died and I was damaged. I thought I was damaged beyond repair, not from the injuries but from losing her.'

'And what, my girlfriend has repaired the damaged, healed what you thought could never be healed?' Dawson bit out scathingly.

'You haven't contacted her in just over two months,' Pacey stated darkly. 'she's been alone and hurting and we're best friends.'

'So you decided to swoop in and save her? You did didn't you?' Dawson shook his head in disgust.

'No,' Pacey glared at him. 'I've just been her friend. Encouraged her, along with everyone else, to forget you because you were being ass.'

'I gave Joey space.'

'Nah you didn't, that's some pathetic excuse for ignoring her for months. You think I don't know why you're here? You flew back home for Christmas and thought you'd stay here for a few days and hope she'd have sex so she wouldn't lose you.'

'I came to see her because she's my girlfriend,' Dawson glowered, nostrils flaring.

'Is she? So you know why she was so sad last week? You know what she got her sister for Christmas? You know how many times she recorded herself singing some dumb Christmas song for her nephew because she wouldn't get to see him this year for the first time ever? You know which song? I presume you also know that she worked forty hours straight a couple of weeks ago and was so tired she fell asleep at the kitchen table. I had to carry her up to bed. You must also know about how her favourite boots have a hole in them? How she lost her purse, the special one with the picture of her mom inside? How she can't stop laughing when I read her out those ridiculous stupid texts that are online, and I'm talking crying with laughter.'

'You sound like you're in love with her,' Dawson stared at his friend, a cold, icy expression on his face, his lips curled in something resembling a snarl.

'She's my best friend,' Pacey admitted steadily, 'and yeah I am completely in love with her.' Dawson stared at him for a long two minutes before he huffed angrily,

'This doesn't surprise me at all Pacey. You know that right? You've been falling in love with the wrong people your whole life, why would now be any different.'

'And what's that supposed to mean?' Pacey breathed in a ragged breath.

'You even have to ask?' Dawson gave a sardonic laugh, 'I mean your high school English teacher - that was ridiculous even for you. And Andie? So much better. I know she was sweet, she was perky, but let's not forget she was a two timing mental patient...'

'Now wait a minute...' Pacey could feel anger whipping up inside of him, an anger like he had in those horrible dark days.

'And it's like Sophie all over again, falling in love with something that isn't yours to fall in love with.' Pacey deflated like a balloon,

'You're bringing Sophie into this?'

'When Sophie died you acted like a grieving parent. You weren't there for your family or your sister. Sophie wasn't your daughter. And Joey isn't your girlfriend, she's mine,' Dawson glared. Pacey had him up against the wall but the neck of his expensive shirt in less than a second.

'You don't know anything about that and if you ever so much as breathe Sophie's name again, I swear I will beat the living crap out of you,' Pacey spat the words and he saw Dawson flinch, through his rage he saw it. 'And let's be clear about one other thing whilst I'm point making and not you. Joey isn't yours. She isn't because you left her, you have ignored her repeatedly for months. You don't deserve her.'

'And you do?' Dawson bit out the words like bullets firing from a gun.

'I would never leave her.'

'You?' Dawson laughed bitterly.

'I don't run away anymore, and I don't abandon the girl I love for months with no word, and just assume I can waltz back in and it will all be the same,' Pacey released him and took a step back, seething.

'You used to. You ran away from Andie that summer, you ran away when...after the accident,' Dawson clearly thought better of mentioning Sophie's name after taking in the expression on Pacey's face.

'And I've grown up.'

'People don't change,' Dawson stated forcefully.

'They do,' Pacey maintained because he had changed. He'd closed his world in to a small select few, to his own house, his own business, and he'd been insular. But he had changed. Slowly through friends at work, then allowing Joey to stay, then better friends like Jen and Jack. It was never going to be all at once, but Pacey truly believed that people could change. 'Isn't that what you want from Joey anyway? For her to change? Isn't that why you've ignored and rejected her?'

'Look is she here or not?' Dawson's voice was stony.

'I'll go check,' Pacey stomped back up the stairs, and in his open bedroom door. Joey was sat in the bed, her knees drawn up to her chest, apparently having listened to every word. Carefully shutting the door Pacey padded across the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. 'I'm sorry.'

'You don't need to be sorry,' her words were soft and she wrapped her arms around him from behind resting her face against his back. Pacey lowered his head and placed a kiss to her hands which were clasped in front of him. Then driven by love and a little anger at Dawson he turned, pushing her back on the bed and covering her body with his, his lips meeting her willing ones. He poured everything within him into the kiss, all the love he felt, the desire, need and want of her, the pent up frustration and hurt from Dawson, the fear that it may be the last kiss he got to have with her, and when he'd vented it all through his kiss he pressed his forehead against hers, loving the soothing feeling of her fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck.

'This isn't practice Joey. You don't keep kissing me because you want practice. This is more than that,' he whispered.

'I know,' she shook her head.

'No you don't. I... I love you. But he's my best friend.'

'I don't understand. What are you asking?'

'I want you to be with me. I've told him I love you and what I really want now is for you to be with me.'

'You're asking me to chose?' she asked, tears filling her eyes.

'No,' he shook his head, 'I wouldn't do that. I'm not going anywhere, I told you that. I won't ask you to move out, I won't stop being your friend and I won't stop loving you. This is not an ultimatum. But I've told him I love you. I told my best friend I'm in love with his sorta girlfriend which means I _have_ chosen and I chose to you.'

'You did,' she acknowledged.

'I do. I'd chose you again and again.'

'Pacey...'

'I'm not done. I would really like you to think about how you feel because I can't do this forever. Whilst there are no ultimatums, there is a heart that's cracking and fragile. I can't live with this painful half hope all the time. The next time you kiss me I want it to be because you choose me. And if you never kiss me again, we'll carry on as if none of this happened and that's whether you're with Dawson or not.'

'Ok,' she nodded.

'I'm going to go shower and I'm going to see you in a bit,' he pressed his face into her neck before moving himself off of her. 'And Joey, I am sorry. Sorry that I couldn't just be your best friend and nothing more. I couldn't, not with what we've been doing, but if you don't want me like I want you, I will go back to that. I promise,' he gave her a weak smile and headed out.

* * *

Pacey showered as quickly as possible and then headed downstairs his nerves on fire with trepidation. It felt like his whole life was in the balance and he'd been there before when Sophie died. He hated the feeling of impending loss, and for all his balanced statements, all his reasonableness, he wasn't actually sure he could survive losing Joey. Even worse, losing her but having her there with him, but not his.

The atmosphere in the kitchen was cold. Dawson was sat at the breakfast bar with a coffee and a genial smile, the smile he used to charm and beguile, though at Pacey's footsteps he shot a glare in his direction. Joey's lips were pursed, her eyes dark and her countenance stormy.

'Joey, for the fifteenth time I was trying to be kind, to give you the space you seemed to need. It never meant I didn't love you,' Dawson pleaded.

'That just doesn't wash Dawson,' Joey scowled.

'I have to kind of side with Joey here. When someone I'm dating doesn't contact me or return my calls, especially for as long as two months, I'm pretty sure I'd think it was over,' Pacey stated with a shrug, moving to the coffee pot.

'Big surprise there. Has he told you Joey - told you _he's in love with you_?' Dawson put on a voice.

'Actually yes,' Joey gave him a glare.

'And I suppose you think it's ok that he tells you when you're my girlfriend?'

'I wasn't much of anything to you as far as I could make out,' Joey pointed out and Dawson exhaled loudly.

'We agreed to time and space to think it through.'

'You mean for me to get help,' Joey scowled.

'And did you? Get help?'

'I don't actually think that's any of your business,' she glared at him.

'Joey I'm here. I love you. I think we should give this a shot,' he beseeched.

'You didn't seem so sure before?'

'I want to have sex with you Joey. That's a normal part of a relationship. If you've got help and we can have that, then...'

'Maybe I'm not so sure,' her eyes flitted to Pacey's and his already hammering heart sped up. He was pretty certain a heart attack must be on the horizon.

'This is us Joey! Remember how we fell in love? You can't be ready to throw that all away?'

'You seemed ready to throw it away the last time you visited. You haven't called in months.'

'Look guys, the party starts in an hour or so. Why don't you...go sort this out?' Pacey offered.

'Yeah, I think we better,' Joey's tones were cold and clipped as she stalked upstairs to her room followed by Dawson. Pacey hasn't really meant they should go up to her room - that was the last place he wanted the two of them but it was really the only space with privacy, especially with everyone arriving imminently.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey all,**

**Thanks for the reviews. They are so appreciated especially with all my tech difficulties. I've loaded this up practically sentence by sentence and it will now save no more. I have tried on my phone, iPad etc, so the chapter ends abruptly as it's not the end.**

**Thanks and sorry and of course keep the reviews coming! I'm working the next two days so fingers crossed I get my writing done!**

**tab :-)**

**Chapter 8**

The house was quiet. Thanks to the rigidity of the structure, with the doors closed, noise didn't carry, and despite the fact that he was making no noise, no noise from the floor above was reaching his ears. The silence was agony. The not knowing was agony. Would they emerge entwined with one another? Would Dawson storm out and never come back? Would Dawson march down the stairs and punch him in the face? And the cliffhanger of all questions - would Joey kiss him? With a sigh, he stood and got the box of matches from beside the fire, bending over to set the fire alight. He watched the flames catch, grabbing onto the kindling with rasping fingers of heat, and he sighed again. Standing he careful lit each candle he'd placed around the room and then turned on an album of Christmas tunes. Heading to the oven he loaded in sausage rolls, spring rolls, and various other delicacies he'd made at work and brought home. He'd put the mince pies in later. Knowing Joey's lot the food would be demolished. With slow methodical movements he poured red wine, orange juice and spice packets into a large saucepan and put it on a low heat. The first bang on the door came moments later and could only be Jack.

'Pacey,' Jack grinned broadly, barging past him and hanging up his coat, dragging Jen behind him.

'Pace,' Jen grinned.

'You guys are first,' Pacey told them a little tightly.

'What's up? You look like your cat died? And where's Joey?' Jen asked as she hung up her coat, stuffing her hat and scarf in the sleeve.

'Upstairs with Dawson,' Pacey admitted and bit his lip at the surprising sting of tears.

'_Upstairs with Dawson_?' Jack practically screeched, his outrage evident.

'Dawson turned up an hour or so ago,' Pacey explained as they headed through to the kitchen so Pacey could get them drinks.

'And how did it go when Joey came home this morning?' Jen asked observing him carefully.

'She um kissed me - I was under the mistletoe and she kissed me. She asked me to sleep with her, just sleep, and asked me if I would tell Dawson I loved her. That was before we even knew he'd be here. I asked her to choose me, no ultimatums but I begged her. And now they're up there probably making up,' he opened a beer and drank enthusiastically.

'You don't know that,' Jack hedged and Pacey shrugged because he knew Dawson and he knew Joey, and whilst Joey might be mad, she'd probably try. The doorbell sounded and Jack gave him an affectionate hug and headed to answer it.

The more people who arrived, the less jovial Pacey was managing to be. He'd been left to host this party alone and heartbroken, surely that was a recipe for a disastrous, sucky party? Nobody else seemed to think the party was sucky. The crowd was lively and a little rowdy, making good use of the booze and the mistletoe, the food being eaten so quickly he relegated himself to the kitchen to warm up more. That was where she found him.

'Hey Pace,' her voice was soft, creeping into him and filtering out the ridiculous animaniacs christmas song someone had put on, clearly reliving their childhood.

'Joey,' he turned to stare at her. 'Umm...how are you?' he asked awkwardly.

'Tired,' she said and budged him aside with her hip so she could pour herself a mug of mulled wine. The silence practically swallowed them despite the crazy noise of the party.

'Where's Dawson?' he asked, barely able to say the words.

'Somewhere here,' she answered, 'talking to your brother.'

'Oh,' he bit back his distress, fought the tears and crouched to look in the oven. He stayed there, feeling a little pathetic.

'Pace, are you ok?' she was crouched beside him looking in at the mini baked goods warming in the oven.

'Not really,' he admitted, 'not at all.'

'He kissed me you know? As soon as we got up there he kissed me, put his hands all over me,' Joey said the words staring at the oven. Pacey had to wonder what he'd done to be subjected to the torture she'd decided to put him through. His hands gripped at the oven door and he thought that were he some supernatural being there would be no oven door. 'I felt nothing,' she continued and his eyes snapped to hers.

'You felt nothing?' he echoed.

'Nothing,' she concurred, sitting on the kitchen floor, shielded from the rest of the party between the breakfast bar and the oven, all around them noise and chaos. Pacey carefully maneuvered himself until he was sat beside her.

'What about Dawson?' he asked.

'Dawson? Dawson thought I was swayed, that I forgave him and I don't. What he did was cruel, and he knew.'

'Knew what?'

'How hard I find it to trust people.'

'Because they always leave?' he filled in suddenly understanding.

'And he left, he did. That's what he did when he should have known how it would feel, and all under the guise of time.'

'But you still love him,' he stated feeling like his guts had been ripped out.

'Hmmm I thought I did. I knew I held affection for him and an unhealthy respect for his actions, but I'm not sure our relationship would have ever worked, with him always wanting me to be this person I'm not, this person who sits in adoration and whom is totally predictable. I don't think he's a bad person, but I'm not in love with him - I don't think I ever was.'

'Dawson doesn't mean to be the way he is, sometimes he's just oblivious because it's part and parcel of his optimism,' Pacey shocked himself by offering up some defence of Dawson.

'I know, but I can't help thinking I'd never really be happy, or even myself in a life spent with Dawson. Combine that with the lack of sexual chemistry - on my side anyway and it's all doomed.'

'How did he take it?' Pacey asked, his hand shifting infinitesimally on the floor so that it was just a little closer to hers. His heart was racing, his stomach was doing leaping somersaults and he thought he might throw up, though his voice belied his turmoil.

'He plans to... "win me back" whatever that means. I'm not even sure how he would plan to do that given the ridiculous nature of everything,' she actually laughed, 'I mean I live here and he lives in LA and that's the way it's going to be. I mean did we honestly think this could work, for the next... how ever many years?'

'Sometimes we think it's worth a try,' Pacey hedged, wondering how much more he could take. 'For you, I'd try.'

'Well he and I tried and failed,' she shrugged, her shoulder bumping his.

'Is he looking to punch me?' Pacey asked after a beat of silence.

'Hmmm, yes. Most definitely. Maybe if we hide long enough and Doug doesn't betray us he'll leave,' she gave him a little smile. 'I told him what I made you do...'

'You didn't make me,' he protested.

'I instigated it but he blames you. Apparently I was "innocent and vulnerable" and you "took advantage." I told him I asked you for help, but he thinks you somehow hoodwinked me. Has he always been this ridiculous when he's jealous? I mean I'm a grown woman and if I ask you to try and make me come well that's my choice. He left me Pace and you were so careful of my feelings, so clear that I might not be resolved, but you helped me. His lips disappeared he was so mad, even more so when I let it slip that you may have succeeded where he failed. He asked if we'd had sex and I said no. I told him I asked and you said no and the vein in his forehead popped out. I think I was venting my anger at him,' she shot him an apologetic sideways glance and his insides twisted even more,

'And... umm.. How did you leave things?' his voice was barely above a whisper, as he turned to look at her. Her eyes were large and fixed on him, her bottom lip clamped between her top teeth. She looked gorgeous. She hadn't even dressed for the party, probably because of Dawson, but even just wearing a pair of jeans and wooly sweater she looked lush and goddess like. He'd never wanted any girl more. She shifted, maybe half a centimetre in his direction, maybe just because she turned towards him more fully, her legs curling under her.

The silence stretched and she just stared at him.

'You can kiss me,' she said at length, her voice a heavy breath between them.

'There's no mistletoe,' he stated, his words faltering with his insecurity.

'You don't need mistletoe,' she responded and he wasn't sure he could take much more.

'You need to kiss me,' he choked out.

'Ok then,' she whispered and shifted again until she was clumsily pressing her lips against his, her warm mouth invading his without any holding back, her arms wrapping around his neck. It was all he wanted because they both knew what that kiss meant. She moaned softly into his mouth.

'Jo,' he groaned her name into the kiss, tugging at her, pulling her onto his lap, until they were entangled in a clumsy embrace hidden between the oven and the breakfast bar.

'I love you Pacey,' she murmured the words into heated kisses, as she pressed her body against his. He broke the kiss and stared at her,

'You love me?' he was shocked.

'Of course I do you doofus,' she grinned and whacked him softly on the head, 'you're the most wonderful person I've ever met. It's impossible not to love you.'

'Impossible?' he asked, a slow smile stretching across his face.

'Ugh, yes. Even that smile melts me inside,' she grumbled kissing him again, and then kissing him with more enthusiasm, a moan in the back of her throat.

'Wait,' he mumbled into the kiss.

'Huh?'

'It's not lust is it? I mean, you don't just think you love me because well...'

'Because you made me come?' she giggled and he blushed. 'I love that you make me come, I mean I really love it and I can't deny I'm looking forward to more... But no Pacey, I don't have a lust addled brain. I loved you before you kissed me that day under the mistletoe. I can't pin point it, I can't, but you just make me feel good inside,' she told him and he chuckled, pressing his lips to the gap of skin between her neck and the top of her sweater. 'That's funny huh?' she teased softly, her hands threading through his hair.

'It's just unexpected. I hoped...but really, I never expected that... well that this would be the end result.'

'You really are heavy on the self deprecation aren't you?'

'Dawson is everything I'm not...' he began but she interrupted with a smile,

'I know, good cop, bad cop, good twin, evil twin, golden child, proverbial screw up.'

'Yeah, all that,' he pressed a kiss to her neck.

'I think it has never really been that way. You see I don't think you're bad or evil, or a screw up. I think you're my best friend. I think you're more thoughtful than other people, and in ways that really matter because you don't do things with agenda, you do them because someone needs them. You're beautiful and sexy, and kind and funny, and cavalier when I need cavalier but never inappropriately so. You get me Pace. We're the same.'

'And entirely different,' he grinned at her as she nodded with a smile.

'You don't pretend to know everything about me even though you know me better than anyone.'

'And so you love me?' he asked looking up at her under your lashes.

'Yes.'

'Will you love me and stay here?'

'Huh?' she frowned.

'I don't want you to move out, but I want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want it to be too much but I want both those things. Hugely.'

'You see, there's another example of your perfection,' she grumbled. 'I'm not going anywhere. I love this house and I love my room. I may want to sleep in your room more often than not, but I'll stay if you're sure.'

'So let's be clear here Potter. You're staying?'

'Yes.'

'You love me?'

'Yes.'

'You're my girlfriend?'

'Yes.'

'And I can kiss you anytime I want?'

'Yes,' she concurred one last time before he tugged at her crashing his lips to hers.

* * *

Joey was straddling his lap and kissing him, her hands up her shirt. He wasn't all that comfortable, leaning as he was against the breakfast bar, but he also couldn't have cared less. It was a truly hedonistic experience to kiss her with no shadow of Dawson looming between them, to know that she was his to touch, that to be as extremely turned on by her as he was, was good and that if she chose to do something about it there would be no twinge of guilt. Just the thought had him tugging at her, his fingers tweaking at her nipple, his mouth swallowing her moan.

'Don't mind me...your baking is burning,' Jack's voice broke the haze and Pacey opened his eyes to see both Jack and Jen grinning down at them. Joey pressed one last kiss to his closed lips and opened her hazy eyes before turning to glare at her friends.

'You two make quite the hosting duo,' Jen exclaimed sarcastically,

'Everyone's having a great time,' Pacey huffed as the sounds of general frivolity, loud music and drunkenness filtered through to him.

'Yeah, a great time, but there have been a few comments about the burning smell.'

'Shit,' Pacey grumbled as he looked at the burnt mince pies Jack was pulling from the oven - Joey loved mince pies.

'Dawson has also set up a man hunt.'

'I'll handle Dawson,' Pacey grumbled as Joey reluctantly got off of him, then held out a hand to pull him to his feet. 'If that's ok?'

'He's just my ex - he's your best friend. You tell him what you want and do what you want. All is fine by me.'

'Well good,' Pacey grinned because she was with him and didn't want to hide it. He kept a hold of her hand and looked over the ruined mince pies. 'I'll just bin these and put more in the oven,' he explained and Joey laughed,

'Let's go mingle,' she said to Jack and Jen, 'he's in the zone.'

'Hmmm, ok,' he kissed her quickly and then a second time, but then she fused her lips to his.

'Ok, you're with us,' Jen grabbed her arm and dragged her away as Pacey focussed on binning the burnt pies and fetching more from the fridge.

'So she told you I assume,' Dawson's drunk voice. Fuck, why did he have to get drunk. Drunk Dawson meant a Dawson who was spending the night and Pacey really wasn't in the mood for that.

'She told me a lot of stuff actually,' Pacey stayed focussed on his pies.

'I'll win her back, you'll see,' he stated.

'I should be honest Dawson. I mean we've been friends for a long time. I love her and she loves me. We're together.'

'You're together?' Dawson began to laugh, a slightly drunken laugh of disbelief. 'Has anyone ever told you that you are with out a doubt the worst friend in the entire world? I mean you steal my girlfriend. You, the guy that creates mini baked goods steals my girlfriend. I create masterpieces and yet she wants you.'

'D, you left her. However you might justify it you left her and it was over.'

'Whatever helps you sleep,' Dawson nonchalantly squashed one of Pacey's pies.

'Come on man, that's a little childish.'

'I don't think it's childish,' he squashed another at a clear disadvantage with his advanced inebriation, on the acting like a grown up front.

'That's what this is all about isn't it? It's not that she doesn't want you, it's that she wants me and not you, and you don't understand that because why would anyone want me when they could have you.'

'You went after my girlfriend.'

'I didn't. I loved her but I didn't go after her, never when she was your girlfriend.'

'Well you sure didn't waste any time,' Dawson squashed four pies in one go making Pacey wince.

'I didn't waste time, you're right and I'm sorry. I am sorry, but I wouldn't change it.'

'I'll, get her back.'

'She's a free agent. I'm just lucky because she loves me.'

'And you honestly think you can hang around for the inevitable months of no sex, maybe a lifetime of it? You? Sex obsessed you?' Dawson dropped a pie on the floor and stamped on it.

'Yeah,' he shrugged. 'At least I can make her come,' he had to say it, revenge for his mince pies.

'You bastard,' and Dawson hit him in the face, not a huge surprise, though Pacey wasn't expecting quite such a huge slug. Pacey would have hit him back. In the dark days after Sophie died he'd have pummelled him to the ground, but he'd changed and even though he was angry, even though he was full of seething rage, he breathed it out, a task that was infinitely easier when Doug appeared and restrained Dawson from a second punch, when Joey appeared at his side, her hands inspecting the damage.

* * *

'I think I kind of deserved it,' Pacey admitted from his perch on the edge of the bath as Joey dabbed at the wound.

'You have done nothing wrong.'

'Ex girlfriends are kinda off limits.'

'At school maybe...but when you're thousands of miles apart? No,' she shook her head and pulled out some steristrips.

'He might never speak to me again, but you're worth it,' he told her, a genial hand on her cheek. She laughed though,

'Says you, the guy who had all his baking squashed and was punched in the face all within ten minutes of becoming my boyfriend.'

'Yeah, but I have you,' he tugged her between his legs, his hands on her ass.

'You do, but you should mend things with him. He's your best friend and if you and I don't work out you may regret not working things out.'

'Wow, it's been half an hour and we're not working out?' he teased and she pressed a kiss to his neck,

'You know what I mean,' she covered the cut with a bandage and pressed a light kiss to the top. 'Some ibuprofen for the pain and swelling and you're good.'

'Hmmm,' he tugged her lips to his. 'You wanna go make out?'

'We're hosting a party,' she smiled into the kiss.

'We're sucky hosts,' he drew her tongue into his mouth, 'please?'

'Sure,' she shrugged easily, and taking his hand turned and led him from the bathroom and into his room, straight to the bed and pulled him down on top of her, their lips crashing together, his body slotting between her legs. Realizing he didn't have to question every touch any longer, Pacey's hands took on a life of their own and began to steadily remove each item of clothing on her, worshipping all they exposed, until he was trailing feather light touches over smooth as silk thighs and encountering heat that made him feel heady. His lips wrenched themselves from her chest and he shimmied down the bed until he was pressing a warm wet kiss between her legs.

'Pacey,' she squealed his name and her hand flew between her legs to prevent him from having further contact.

'No one tried to make you come like this?' he asked with amusement, especially loving the warm red colour of her cheeks.

'No,' she added her other hand.

'I want to,' he told her, kissing up her thigh, 'I really, really want to. I want to smell you. I want to taste you.'

'Really?' she frowned, her scepticism obvious and he laughed,

'God yeah,' he lifted her hands away and kissed her again, thoroughly pleased by her soft sound of surprise. He inhaled and felt a little giddy, which he knew was ridiculous, but everything about her turned him on and she was willing to open up to him, that Joey, the girl that couldn't come would let him put his mouth on her most intimate area and let him taste her and smell her and hopefully let him make her come. 'You're so fucking gorgeous,' he breathed before putting his face between her legs and licking, sucking and touching the orgasm out of her.

For a girl who'd spent her entire life unable to come, he felt pretty smug about how quickly he could have her panting, her hands pushing his face towards her, her whole body arching off the bed as his mouth finally coaxed her over the edge, his name a scream on her lips, as she tugged him by his hair up her body so she could devour his lips in a heated kiss.

'You can do that again,' she crooned into the kiss, 'or sex. Please sex.'

'Sure,' he smiled into her hair, holding her against him.

'How is it you still have all your clothes on and I'm naked?'

'I think I was just very keen to get you naked,' he shrugged making her laugh,

'I don't think you have any idea quite how amazing you look naked,' she pushed a hand under his shirt.

'Come on Jo, I have a mirror,' he teased and was rewarded with another laugh.

'You wanna know something funny?'

'Sure,' he leaned on his elbow so he could see her.

'A couple of times...I attempted to make Dawson think he'd had...success,' she hedged.

'You mean you faked it?'

'Well yeah, because when there's no end it just sorta goes on forever. The thing is, I had no idea what I was doing and my fakegasm is nothing like my real one.'

'Well now you have to do it,' he told her.

'Well maybe I will, but that would mean you have to suck and not you know...finish me.'

'Just fake it for me now, go on, please?' he gave her puppy dog eyes.

'Let's just say it was a cross between Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally and a patient suffering from the gastric flue,' she giggled.

'That sounds awesome. Please Joey,' he pressed kisses to her cheeks.

'Ok, ok,' she waved her hands in front of her face, clearly in an effort to stop the giggles, but each time she produced a moan she giggled again.

'Just do the gastric patient moan, that'll do me I promise,' he hid his face in her chest, as he heaved with silent laughter. She was quite frankly ridiculous, which was why he loved her so much, especially when she produced a noise something like a dying puppy.

'Did he buy it?' he asked when he could finally talk.

'He was encouraged by it,' she offered up weakly and then pulled him on top of her at a loud knock at the door,

'It's Jen and I'm sorry I'm interrupting what I'm sure is lovely hot nookie but Drue's thrown up and Audrey broke a bottle. I can't find the dust pan because it's not under the sink, so put some clothes on and come host.'

'Be there in a minute,' Pacey grumbled, 'who's bright idea was this party anyway?'

'Yours of course,' she tutted.

'Well let's go get drunk, have fun and spend all day in bed tomorrow. We can be naked, eat pizza, watch movies...'

'Hmmm, sounds great. Now where did you fling my bra?' she gave him a sultry smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi All,**

**I think this is it. Maybe an epilogue, we'll see what you think of this;-)**

**Thanks for the reviews - truly they make it worth while especially when you're time poor and posting is tricky!**

**A couple of people mentioned the Joey / Dawson scene. Most of my stories tend to be from Joey or Pacey's view point, so in this story I was kind of strict with myself about writing it only from Pacey's view point - as in what he thinks and feels, how he judges the situation. As he didn't see the fight, neither did we!**

**This is M - for obvious reasons:-)**

**Enjoy, please review, happy holidays and happy 2015!**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 9**

'You know you're like the best girl in all the world,' Pacey murmured into the silky skin of Joey's shoulder.

'Because I gave you a blow job?' She shot him a scathing look, hiding her amusement.

'You know it wasn't that, though that was wonderful.'

'It must have been the clearing up I did then,' she teased, shuffling down beside him in the bed,

'Well I did really appreciate the way you managed to remove that vomit from the cracks in the floorboards.'

'I've learnt some useful tricks during my internship so far,' she nodded wisely.

'But it's not just that.'

'So what is it then?' she shot him a suspicious look.

'You know Dawson really hurt me yesterday,' he stated and she nodded, still suspicious, though she ran a finger gently across the bandage on his cheek and he frowned, 'oh no, that didn't hurt so much, I'm talking about the food - he squashed my mince pies Joey. He stood on them. It was _horrific_.'

'You poor baby,' she laughed softly but then immediately straightened her expression at his look of reprimand.

'I need to remake them Joey. My conscience can't take it.'

'And?' she looked at him expectantly.

'Well you'll help right?' he fluttered his eyelashes and she giggled,

'Oh Pace I love you but I'm like instant death around food prep,' she ran her hands through his hair, 'as you well know.'

'I'll teach you,' he murmured. 'And you're a doctor Jo. I wouldn't go around muttering "instant death" too often - it doesn't exacty inspire faith.'

'Haha, so funny,' she slapped him gently on the chest, more of a caress really. 'And sure, you can try and teach me.'

* * *

'This was a bit of a fantasy huh?' Joey asked from where she was stood inside Pacey's embrace, his hands on hers, as he "demonstrated" how to roll the pastry.

'Maybe,' he ran his nose up the column of her neck and then pressed a warm kiss there.

'I can feel exactly what you think of standing like this you know,' she wiggled her bum against him and he groaned.

'You're hot,' he kissed her neck again, '_really_ hot.'

'And apparently these little pastries were extremely important to you,' she responded primly reaching for his pastry cutters, her butt pressing in to him. His hands moved to her hips leaving big floury hand prints on her leggings. Joey pressed a cutter in and pulled out the round circle and flopped it into the tray Pacey had put out. 'Your turn,' she pulled his left hand from her hip and pressed the cutter into it, watching as he cut out the perfect neat circle and moved it and its perfection to the tray. 'Ok, and the rest,' she encouraged. Pacey couldn't resist pressing against her, the imagery in his head nothing to do with the mince pies he was making.

'So how come your circles remain all perfect and mine look all stretched?' she pouted. Kissing her quickly, Pacey moved to the fridge to retrieve the mince meat he'd made earlier in the week.

'All I can say is I know nothing about medicine,' Pacey shrugged with a grin.

'Now there is definitely no meat in there?' she frowned.

'I promise,' he smirked, sidling up behind her again, a whisper of a moan on his lips as his body fit so well against hers. 'Now just spoon a little in to each pie and we'll cut out a star for the top.

'Well I can't get that wrong,' she smiled and began spooning in mixture, too much if Pacey were honest but he didn't care because she was making pies with him.

'Ok, more pastry rolling,' he slid his hands past the curve of her chest to take the rolling pin and putting her hands under his, they rolled out the pastry again before cutting out stars.

'Well I think we can tell which ones I made,' she sighed.

'They'll all taste good,' he reassured.

'I know that, trust me,' she turned in his arms and pressed a kiss to his mouth.

'Pies in oven, then more kissing?' he suggested and she nodded.

'I'll go light the fire.'

'Hmm, ok,' he couldn't seem to stop kissing her, but at length pulled away and watched her walk through the dining room and into the living room. Pulling his eyes from her he put the pies in the oven and turned on the timer before heading through to join her.

'Movie?' he asked and she nodded,

'Something Christmassy.'

'_Love Actually_?'

'Perfect,' she nodded, running a hand up under his top and across the muscles of his stomach.

'Yeah,' he mused looking at her nestled into his side. For the first time in years, excepting the time he'd had with Sophie, life felt right.

'Pace?' she murmured.

'What's up?'

'I was wondering about sex,' she admitted and he turned to look at her.

'What about it?'

'Well what if...what if it doesn't work? I mean, I want it to work but I'm scared that if it doesn't...you'll...'

'I'll what? Leave you?' he chuckled, 'that just will not happen. Do you have any idea how thrilled and ecstatic I am to have you?'

'I have an inkling...you haven't let go of me since last night,' she gave him a soft and affectionate look.

'Well no, and I'm not planning to,' he tugged her impossibly closer just to emphasize his point,

'But Pace...' she trailed off biting her lip.

'Tell me what it is Jo, you know you can.'

'I want you to _want_ to have sex with me,' she admitted with a frown.

'Well rest assured that I really, _really_ want to have sex with you. I just have to think about it and I get hard. I have fantasies of sex, of fucking, of all of it, but what you need to understand is there's no pressure. The biggest turn on for me is turning you on and it's so much fun discovering what does turn you on. Besides which you're really good at blow jobs and dry humping,' he gave her a wicked grin enjoying her embarrassed laughter.

'So if there's no pressure, how will it ever happen?' she frowned.

'Is this a boyfriend girlfriend conversation or a friend one?'

'A friend one I guess,' she wrapped her fingers around his.

'Are you on the pill?' he asked softly, aware that it was a personal and slightly presumptive question.

'Yeah,' she waited for him to continue.

'I'm clean Joey. I have always use condoms - _always_ \- and I have been tested.'

'Since Audrey?' she arched her brows.

'Yeah... When I realized I only wanted you, I got tested.'

'That's sweet. Responsible, a little gross, but very sweet.'

'It gave us potential. I am so turned on by you Joey that I was worried that if things ever happened I wouldn't be thinking about condoms, or much of anything except you,' he tried to explain.

'That's kind of a turn on,' she admitted her nose wrinkling adorably.

'What it means is it can happen naturally which I think is important for you. I am a massive believer in safe sex, don't get me wrong. I've never had unprotected sex and like I've said I've been tested, so if you're on the pill sex will be safe and we don't need to think about anything else. I feel like I'm sounding like a guy. We can use condoms, I'm more than happy to do that but I figured maybe the stopping to put one on might make it less natural, give you time to over think it...and you know if you over think it, there might be pressure...'

'I understand what you're trying to say here Pace. I don't think your some horndog out for no condom sex, I don't. I also trust you. I think that takes a lot of pressure off knowing that when it's the right moment, it can just happen.'

'Ok then,' he breathed a sigh of relief.

'I'm so in love you Pacey,' she said it softly, 'it's the kind of love which shows up how I only loved Dawson but wasn't in love with him. He's a nice guy, but you're, well you're wonderful.'

'Like music to my ears,' he murmured softly with a huge smile on his face.

'I can sing along to this terrible song if you want music,' she gave a cheeky smile and gestured to the TV where Bill Nighy was singing Christmas is All Around.

'Just change the words to "I'm in love with you Pacey" and you can sing it forever.'

'Cheeseball.'

'Unsentimental wench,' he challenged back.

'At least you've moved off prude!' she arched her brows.

'Well I know first hand that you're not a prude. You're far to fond of my cock for me to call you that,' he grinned, watching her flustered blush,

'Pacey, you can't say things like that,' she protested burying her face in his shoulder.

'He's very fond of you too,' Pacey put on a silly voice and face rewarded by her laugh,

'You referencing your penis as a separate identity is so not a turn on,' she smirked.

'Fine, I'm very fond of you. Of touching you with all bits of me,' he phrased as delicately as he could making her laugh again.

'Just shut up and kiss me you goof,' she grumbled and lay back on the couch pulling him on top of her. She gasped at the feel of him hard against her,

'I did tell you,' he told her happily.

'Well it's more of a turn on now,' she moaned softly as he rocked against her.

'Hmmm,' he agreed, claiming her mouth with his and rocking against her again with deliberate intention.

'Pace,' she moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist.

'We should be doing this naked,' he kissed her again, the feel of her legs tight around him, pushing his body against hers undeniably sexy.

'Yes,' she agreed as the oven buzzer went off, and seconds later her pager.

'Well that's a double no from the powers that be,' he grumbled not shifting.

'I hate this thing,' she gestured to the pager as she looked at it. 'Dr Green which means I have to go,' she scowled and instead of moving kissed him.

'Our mince pies will burn,' Pacey murmured into the kiss, feeling no inclination to move except against her,

'Keep doing that,' she encouraged her hands shoving at the combats he was wearing and pushing them down and off so all that was between them was his boxers and her leggings which felt so much better.

'I wanna touch you,' he grumbled because the warmth and wetness on his hand was a huge turn on. His hands pushed at her leggings and her panties until they were off but instead of touching her he moved back between her legs with his body, 'just for a moment,' he begged, desperate.

'Yes,' she encouraged lifting her hips towards him, her hands diving down the back of his boxers.

'I wanna be in you so bad,' he breathed into the heated kiss, shifting off of her and running his hand down her stomach and plunging one then two fingers into the slick, tight space between her legs imagining it was his cock. Her back arched off the bed rewardingly, as she gasped and writhed under his determined ministrations, his thumb rubbing tight circles on her clit.

'Pacey,' she cried out his name as she came but he didn't stop, couldn't sliding down the couch to use his mouth and his hands until he pushed her crashing over the edge a second time, her hands tugging almost painfully at his hair, her thighs which had tightened around his head finally falling lax.

'I want you so badly,' he kissed her one last time before shimmying up her body so he was pressed between her legs.

'Take me, please,' she moaned softly, her hands wrapping around his neck.

'You were paged,' he grumbled.

'Yeah,' she didn't seem inclined to move, but then her pager went a second time. 'I don't think I can walk let alone work.'

'I figured the multiple orgasm was an important experience, especially for one so new to the art of coming.'

'It's an art form now is it?' she smirked and he chuckled.

'I like to think so,' he looked at her adoringly.

'I want to do something for you,' she looked at him, her eyes wide, pupils dilated.

'Next time,' he told her easily.

'Now,' she pleaded, rolling him off of her and sliding her hand down the front of his boxers to grasp hold of him. 'Now,' she pushed at his boxers until they were off and rolled him onto his back in one move before she was hovering over him. 'I want you in me, I really, really want it and I never have before, but the thought of feeling you against me, it makes me feel crazy.'

'Jo, you keep talking like that and I'm gonna not be able to resist.'

'Don't resist,' she urged and pressed her naked heat against him. He groaned, his hands flying to her hips, rocking her against himself. 'Oooh, that feels good,' she gasped and he opened his eyes to look at her lying above him, getting herself off at the feel of him between her legs, at the feel of his cock pressing against her slick centre. Her head was tilted to one side, her eyes pressed tightly closed, her expression one of utter pleasure, her dark hair a mass of silky curls. Tilting his head he pressed a kiss to her lips, his chest colliding with the softness of hers making them both moan. Then she reached a hand between them, holding him and running his cock over herself and he nearly came, it felt amazing, but more than that, he could tell she was letting go, not worrying or over thinking, and that was utterly attractive to him. 'You feel so good,' she crooned.

'Fuck Joey, so do you,' he felt so close but it had to be her move. Just like the first time he made her come he realized she had to really want it, enough to take it. And just like that she did, she used her hand to position him and then pushed her hips down, just a little but God it felt wonderful, her eyes opened and she looked at him. He kissed her, a heated, slightly messy kiss filled with desire and longing, a kiss to stop her thinking, and it worked because her hips pushed down closer to his.

'Help me,' she moaned into the kiss, and using his hands on the hips he pulled her down until he was entirely, blissfully inside of her.

'Joey,' he breathed her name, his heart racing and every part of his body thrumming.

'That feels...nice,' she was looking at him, suddenly her analytical self. He wasn't exactly going for analytical but he would take it.

'Lie close to me, and kinda shift up me and then down again,' he told her softly, 'it'll feel good,' he promised. She tilted her head to the side and smiled before doing as he suggested, her expression morphing to one of relaxed enjoyment.

'Ohhhh,' she sighed, 'that's so good.'

'Again,' he begged and she smiled widely before complying again and then again, her chest brushing his like silk, or feathers it was so soft. 'Oh god,' he muttered, his hands helping her move, a movement that grew faster as his pelvic bone continued to rub on her clit, as she got closer and closer, her head thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut until she shattered around him, letting out a moan that was closer to a scream, her body squeezing around him, her orgasm creating a fluttering sensation around him that sent him over the edge as well, his hips lifting off the bed as he cried out, burying his face in her neck and holding her tightly to him.

'Ooh, I can feel that,' she whispered.

'Fuck Joey,' his hands smoothed at her hair, across her back, everywhere. 'We just had sex.'

'I know,' she smiled broadly. 'And it was good.'

'It was amazing,' he clarified.

'Yes amazing,' she agreed, but then her eyes filled with tears as she awkwardly shuffled off of him and pressed herself into his arms,

'Hey Jo, baby, what's up, I'm sorry...' his words tumbled over themselves, he hated to think she wasn't happy about what had just happened.

'No, you big lug, don't be sorry,' she sniffed, 'I'm just so relieved. I thought I must have metal doors up there or something but I don't.'

'Joey,' he couldn't help but laugh at her description.

'Seriously, it's been like the cave in Aladdin except no ones managed to open sesame except you, you wonderful, amazing, gorgeous man,' she snuffled into his chest, 'oh god, you've given me verbal rambling disorder, multiple orgasms and taken my virginity. I love you,' she kissed him again.

'I love you,' he agreed into the kissed as her pager beeped.

'Oh crap, I'll lose my job if I don't go. I have to go,' she huffed. 'I want to stay and do that again and again and again.'

'Really?' he couldn't help the big smile.

'Really. Pacey you just fix me,' she sighed, pausing in her scramble to put on her clothes.

'I did not,' he did not find that amusing at all. 'You have never needed fixing. Just because all the other guys have been too crap to turn you on hasn't meant you needed fixing. You are wonderful. Sometimes you'll come and sometimes you won't. Sometimes sex will be crap and other times it'll be amazing, but that's just the way it is. You will always be wonderful.'

'You are just the best,' she pulled on her hoody and straddled his naked lap to kiss him. 'I have to go,' she didn't pull back.

'Or stay,' he urged, 'I mean go,' he frowned.

'We'll do this more when I'm back, when I see you. I'll come see you at Sophie's.'

'Ok, please do,' he willed his hands to release her.

'Pace,' she arched her brows at him.

'I'll throw on my clothes and drive you,' he told her and she laughed but nodded.

* * *

Joey had been true to her word and had come to see him at Sophie's, where they'd disappeared into his office and christened his desk, his chair and up against the door. Joey apparently loved sex just as much as he did and she grew confident and experimental quickly. Pacey loved having sex with her. Loved having her in his bed each night - well each night that she wasn't working. He adored waking up with her, more often than not their limbs entwined. With equal measure he loved taking her on dates - dinner, the movies, hikes, and as the months passed and the weather warmed picnics and boating, walks in the park. He adored having Joey in his arms as they hung out with Jack, Jen, Doug and Drue. Drue who had wheedled his way into Jen's heart and bed. Whether it was throwing a barbecue, game night, getting drunk, going dancing, or simply hanging on the couch Pacey was happy. They inevitably fought, Pacey would have been worried if they didn't. But it was feisty and barbed, and when it wasn't fun, because sometimes arguments weren't fun like the one where she asked to meet his dad, and the equally awful one when he begged to meet hers, they found their way back to each other, a way to compromise. They both conceded during fathergate, and met each other's fathers. He preferred her sister, Bodie and Alex to the weak man in the state penitentiary, but at least he knew. She loathed his father. She found certain traits redeemable but his negative opinion about the man she loved meant that she'd never really warm to him. It only made him love her more.

He took her to Sophie's grave and then to meet Gretchen. Gretchen was happy he was happy and seemed to like Joey. He'd wanted her to understand that his happiness didn't mean he didn't miss Sophie, that he didn't still love Sophie. Gretchen had told him it was her goal to be happy again one day too, that she now dated. Gretchen told him she understood, better than anyone, that the loss they had suffered would never go away. That night he'd told Joey he didn't plan to have kids and she'd nodded her head in understanding.

'That's fine,' she'd said, 'I understand completely. If you change your mind I'll also understand completely. I would like to be a mom, but I'd rather be with you.' That had nearly changed his mind. The truth was he loved kids and so did Joey. The truth was he thought they'd have really cute kids. The truth was because she didn't apply pressure he had room to change his mind and he realised that one day he might.

The notion of Dawson in general had caused an argument. As an ex he meant little to Joey and she encouraged him fix the friendship which because Pacey knew he needed to do, he resisted all the more. He hated the stupid jealousy that hung over his head because Dawson had always been better at everything, more wonderful, more amazing. Joey would gently point out that Pacey was a better man, in her eyes anyway. That he could make her happier than Dawson ever could. That he gave her a sex life, that he gave her all she'd ever wanted and that she loved him, was wildly in love with him and would happily follow him into any sunset he should wish it lead her into, and he would smile, a small satisfied smile and concede that he would call Dawson soon.

By the following Christmas Pacey had bought a ring. He hadn't even felt the need to discuss it with his brother, with Jen, Jack or Drue, he merely chose a ring he knew was perfect, told his friends and brother to bugger off for the weekend, baked a mince pie and left it sitting on a stool under a sprig of mistletoe between the dining room and kitchen, right where he had first kissed her. He put the ring under the pie. He toyed with the idea of putting it inside but knowing Joey as he did and how hungry she always was at the end of a shift he decided it wasn't worth risking the love of his life choking over his proposal.

His decision not to put the ring in the pie was the right one. Joey had come in from her shift, yawning but smiling to see him warming wine on the stove,

'Hey gorgeous,' she'd murmured and then spotted the pie. 'That one pie waiting there to be kissed?' she asked with a laugh.

'It was more of a trap to lure you under the mistletoe so I could kiss you.'

'Hey you daft boy, I thought it would be fairly obvious by now that you don't need mistletoe to kiss me,' she smiled at him edging towards the pie, 'I mean let's face it you have kissed me _a lot_ this year and there's been no mistletoe in sight.'

'It's the anniversary of our first kiss though,' he told her with a move in her direction.

'Is it now,' she gave him a look.

'Yes.'

'I was told men don't remember things like that,' she gave him a coquettish look from under her eyelashes.

'Oh I remember everything,' he told her with a wink.

'You do huh?' she smiled warmly. 'Can I eat my mince pie now?'

'If I can have my kiss,' he shrugged.

'Well I'm under the mistletoe,' she gave him an affectionate look. With a slow smile he pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, and then one more. Unlike the first time Joey's arms slunk around his neck and she pulled his mouth to hers for a deep kiss, the kind of kiss that gave his hands a life of their own and had him leaning into her for more. She disengaged her arms though and placed her hands against his chest. 'I want my mince pie,' she mumbled against his neck. 'Especially if it's freshly baked which, judging by the smell, it is.'

'It is,' he grinned, kissing her hair. 'Help yourself,' he gestured and her hand swiped out and grabbed the mini mince pie which she popped in her mouth whole. 'That's attractive,' he laughed but she just chewed and smiled at him. 'I think you left a bit on the stool,' he told her and she frowned.

'I'm pretty sure I'd never be so stupid,' she supplied with a serious face.

'Well you did,' he reached across to the stool and nabbed the ring. 'See?' he held it up to her watching her eyes widen and her little shy smile flit across her face as she stared at the simple gold band with its inlaid diamonds, the ring he'd chosen as she hated jewellery with sticking out bits that got caught in her hair or clothing, those she said were hard to wear when she was working.

'That doesn't look very edible,' she said looking up at him from under those eyes of hers in a way that always sent his heart fluttering.

'Well I was hoping you'd wear it not eat it,' he stated, aware that his voice seemed to have dropped an octave.

'You were?' her eyes dropped back to the ring and her fingers reached out and touched it.

'I would really, really like you to marry me Jo. I want to marry you. I love you. You make me happy and I really, really hope I make you happy. We don't _need _to get married but I really, really _want_ to marry you because I think it's romantic, because it is then you and I against the world, you and I as a family. You and I forever, and forever with you can never be long enough. So this is me asking.'

'And this is me saying yes,' she smiled and held out her finger so he could slip on the ring.

'And now we can fight about the wedding,' he smirked.

'I happen to think we'll agree on most things,' she told him firmly, tapping at his chest with her finger.

'You mean I'll agree with you,' he grinned.

'That's what I said,' she grinned back.

'You want some warm wine with spices and stuff in it?'

'You mean mulled wine?' she rolled her eyes, staring at the ring on her finger, a fact that he didn't miss because it made him happy. Indeed, his eyes were drawn to the band of gold too.

'Ok, you want some mulled wine and more mince pies?'

'I want a shower,' she smiled, 'with you and then mulled wine, mince pies, a fire and more you.'

'Anything you want,' he granted kissing her softly, then smiling wildly as she took his hand and led him upstairs.


End file.
